Well just need to unburden a few thoughts. Picked up my wife this am at the airport. Lots of smiles as they got into car. Wife did some texting on the motorway. Looked in mirror and her eyes looked tearful. Got home and was talked to like muck.

The day never really picked up. If our daughters were upset then it was my fault 'because they hadn't been like that over last few days, they have been perfect'. I suppose clocks changing, late nights, early morning flight could have had nothing to do with it.

Wife says she feels anxious in my presence and tight across chest. Yet her friend said

So, it's obvious that we are continually growing apart. My wife's absence makes it easier for her to block me (and my son) out of her thoughts. Or so I'm assuming, at least. How else could she go for days at a time without even calling to see how he's doing? I know that's just an excuse for me, as I want her to call me to just say "hi", so that my hopes are not destroyed.

I'm currently in Las Vegas with friends. It's 8:40 a.m. on a Sunday morning. The last communication I received from her was a text message last Friday "Will call u later...". There have been no calls or text messages

My wife returns from a few days away with her best friend whom we have both known for 15 years or more.

I am looking forward to it but have a sickening pit in my stomach that she won't return with a different outlook. But at the same time so hope that she will meet me with a big a hug as when I dropped them off a few days ago.

She hasn't called before leaving the house as I asked so that doesn't reassure me.

Fingers crossed, butterflies in stomach already airborn. I just want to avoid this constant tumble of emotions from despair to (mild) elation.

Must leave soon.

Jules