Thanks for the chat FBGS and I have 1GB RAM. will look at flash version another day.

So have packed the Car and we will be on our merry way to Wiltshire in the morning...

All the hard work is done, time to go and enjoy myself..and I will...cos I deserve it...so as soon as I get to my sisters I will accept alcohol and not tea.

Not been to a social gathering for months...and i just cannot wait for a christmas dinner that I have not had to cook!!!!!

I am however filled with some doubts..X2B rang this evening to wish the girls a good time..they told him that they had left a present under our tree for

What an emotional holiday. All these expectations of joyous family time together. Love and harmony. In reality of course we all fail to meet the marketing and social targets.

We spend money on getting everything the kids want when the biggest item on virtually any kids list is a loving environment. But we can't buy that and we can't afford the emotional investment in most cases.

I am so looking forward to my kid's Xmas but dreading my own.

If you can indulge me I just need to off load some of my thoughts and recollections of my actions over the last few days. So do feel free to read no

Just getting myself into the right frame of mind for my first Chrstmas without the ex. Lots of positives, like there being no drunk in the corner, no-one dissing my plans for festive entertainment for the kids, no-one dictating my mood. But I know I'll feel a bit alone and a bit weird, even though I've got my kids with me and my mum and dad are coming to visit. It'll just be different, and I'm determined to be positive about it.

Having said that, he came over today to give my eldest son his birthday present. Then he said that he felt like he was in a bad dream but never wakes up, and that