Goodbye 2007... boy, will I be glad to see the back of this year!!!!!

Never, in my wildest imagination did I think that this year would bring me such heartache... sorrow.... sadness.... confusion.... anger....

Now...I don't consider myself the brightest person in the world.... nor, do I consider myself the most stupid.... I'm an average, reasonably intelligent, reasonably articulate sort of person....

I thought I was happily married to a man I dearly loved.... and, strangely, I thought he was of the same mind....

We had been together over 20 years.... married for 17 of those.... we were

Against my better judgement, I let my 1 yo go with her 2 brothers and 1 of her sisters for contact with their father today. She cried as she was put in his car, not as much as sometimes when she goes, but none the less she cried.

X2b rang me at home at lunch time to ask whether it was normal for my 3 yo and 5 yo to be going to the toilet every 5 minutes. The conversation swiftly moved on to the fact that the children are seeing someone about what is going on in their lives at the moment. He believes my sole purpose in all this is to turn the children against him and stop him from seeing them.

Got the post today, an event which I have now become to dread. The first letter was from the Legal Commission with a new funding certificate which now includes assistance to file for a Non-Molestation Order. On the downside I should not have been rejected for funding the first time and my x2b shouldn't abuse me so that I feel the need to get a Non-Molestation Order but hey, that is life, and something I seem to be getting used to.

Just have to wait until the 2nd January, 2008 until the solicitors re-opens after their xmas break. Nothing is ever done quickly where divorce etc. is concerned, I