I have been on holday for 2 weeks and am very depressed at only getting one day of sun!! I had hoped to re-charge my batteries before the battle of the finances commences!! The stress is really getting to me now and i haven't been able to sleep. Meanwhile my x2b just carries blithely on doing nothing! He hasn't returned the court documents yet despite having them since the end of May so my lawyer is going to apply for the decree nisi without them and on the strength of his lawyers letter accepting the adultery. I find it really strange to think of the wheels turning inexerobaly towards

 I've managed to secure some counselling, but not until 29th. So I went back yesterday to a meditation group I used to frequent. Very helpful, both because of the relaxation and also the fact that it's very rare these days I go anywhere that everyone is older than me! it's been a while since I felt young.

 After a meditation in which I got a real head-rush and sense of falling backwards, but not in an unpleasant, drunken way we all discussed various issues. The chosen 'Guru' has a kind of non-specific Zen attitude to things, both material and emotional. We can attach to "stuff" and take on

Silly me, somehow I thought once we had got all this out into the open there would be some sort of resolution. Not to be it seems, spent yesterday with him all day, made small talk waited for him to ask anything really, but he is ignoring the situation totally and just talking about inconsequential things. So today I am going to have to start again – things need sorting out. I don’t really want to be the one doing all the running here – one of the things he said to me was I don’t listen and he cannot talk to me, so please talk to me I am listening, I tell him this.

Although he is not