More positive today – funny really how my moods and feelings seem to swing from day to day from hour to hour even.

Not much sleep again but at least the weather relented long enough to get 3 sets of tennis in.

Reckon excercise is a good mood booster, at least it stops you dwelling on problems and stops the continuing cycle of thoughts and worries that just seem to go round in my head if I don’t have anything else to take my mind away from it.

So had another long think last night and this afternoon and have come to the conclusion that all these doubts and self blaming are getting me

My x2b told me she wasn't going to our joint meeting with the council today. i phoned them and asked if there was any point attending alone, not really so I cancelled it. Half an hour before it had been due she phoned again, is it still on? She told me I shouldn't have cancelled! I phoned and got it back and even gave her a lift there. She said she wanted us to pop into her solicitor's first - like you can just do that!what planet is she on these days? She also kept saying "now we have an agreement..." I counted 4 times that I told her we DON'T have an agreement: I have two proposals from her

I have started talking to myself in bed now, not a good sign I feel – first sign of madness as I remember it.  Usually only the odd word like ‘shit’ or ‘stupid’ or ‘waste’ or ‘idiot’.  Of course he wakes up and says ‘eh?’ and I say ‘nothing, just talking to myself’.

So sleepless night last night and now I am tired, and when I get tired that’s when I start feeling bad.  Its raining too and that doesn’t help.

Thought I was levelling out , even coping better, but now I am so full of doubts.  Doubts about if I should break up the relationship, doubts over the way I have handled myself to get