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Aug 04
2008
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Oh god.... Yesterday morning I was strong, in control and accepting it was over and then it happened...
He called in the evening and asked if he could come to the house as the no contact with the kids was not getting sorted any other way. I said I couldnt stop him, so he came.
He spent some time with the boys explaining that he loved them, missed them and wanted to see them. He cried a lot too.
He then came into the lounge to see me and although he wouldnt sit down, we talked. I tried to remain calm and although tearful, I told him that I still loved him and missed him ... I couldnt help it.... my mouth betrayed my brain. He told me that he didnt have the same feelings for me but then added 'at the moment', I asked him if we could try just communicating again and see if things could improve, he said ok, we'll see. We spoke briefly about what had gone wrong and I asked him if we could try to sort it out and would he think about it. When I've asked this before he always said there was no point, this time he said .....maybe. I dont know.
He admitted he wasnt happy 'its all so muddly', he hasnt yet sought any legal advice and eleven weeks on he still hasnt told a soul at work. ??????
I dont want to get my hopes up but feel as I've found the smallest tiny chink of doubt. I'm trying to back off and not be in his face about it but couldnt help myself e-mailing him a letter today, just telling him I accept I could/should have done things differently, I want to try .... even if it cant be fixed and that I dont think its too late because no-one else is involved yet.
I also told him I have found I am enjoying bits of my new life and I am coping and will cope whatever the outcome. I told him I dont want to go back .... I want to go forwards, possibly with him, but to a better (happier) life than I had before.
I'm not sure if it can be fixed but have always maintained that I feel cheated he wouldnt give me the opportunity to try ... It was never an option.
Am I setting myself up for a fall?
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buxtonman
said:
| August 04, 2008 | ||
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Possibly. I am in exactly the same situation as you. However, each time things look like they may work out, I am kicked again. Warm one minute, cold the next.... Every situation is different though and your situation may work out. In my own case though, it is 3 steps forward and 2 steps backwards more less continually. Although each journey backwards hold less pain than the first one, it comes as quite a shock as I am usually moving forward very well when it happens. Right now I am at the point where I think i may have to take control and make sure it really is over despite wanting the opposite to be true. Be careful is the only advice I can give! These are difficult times and in order to rebuild, things must be resolved. One way or the other... Andy |
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SteveLB
said:
| August 04, 2008 | ||
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Hi JessieJ I just loved the phrase "my mouth betrayed my brain" it seems to happen a lot with me. I too seem to lose my resolve when talking to the stbx/wife/witch. As for your question - I don't think that there is a right answer, all I know is in my case I hope the brain wins and the mouth gets gagged, at least it minimises the confusion Best wishes Steve |
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marriaa
said:
| August 04, 2008 | ||
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Jess, it is your life ,you have got every right to fight for what you want if there is still a chance but as you said be prepared for anything. All the best.be strong but do not give everything ,compromise |
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Meishka
said:
| August 04, 2008 | ||
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J, What to say.... I have not read anything previously on your blog but... based on where i am and where you are the following maybe useful or meaningless drivel. Go with your heart. If I had one shot to make it work I would, no matter how much she has hurt me. One chance to be with the one you love.... But.... there always is a but... Are you really the person that you want to be. Do you behave differently around him are you not yourself - you know what I mean?? Is the relationship really right or is it fear of being alone? It takes two to make it work. And you need full commitment on both sides to try, to be honest and to change. If you can tick the boxes then go with your heart. If you cant then you will be in the same situation in a few years time. Good luck.... |
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Jade
said:
| August 04, 2008 | ||
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Hi Jess I can only agree with what everyone has already said. You need to do what feels right for you, then there are never any regrets. It might not work out, time takes over here, from here on .... I personally had two reconciliations with my stbx in 11 years, i don't regret those decisions, but the 3rd affair last year has finally ended anything that was left. Enough is enough, some things in life are not meant to be. People are here to support you, whatever road you take Good luck Jade xxx |
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Mockingbird
said:
| August 04, 2008 | ||
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Hi Jess I agree with all above - only you will know. I am in similar position (although in my case he had an affair) - there are times when he wanted to try and times where he thought there was no point. We are now trying to move forward together but there are no guarantees - the only thing I can say is if it all goes pear shaped again because of him (or even if I decide its been damaged beyond repair) - at least I know I have tried my hardest to make it work - thats all you can do - where there is doubt there is hope (at least in the short term) Good luck and whatever you decide, take care of you. xx |
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JessieJ
said:
| August 04, 2008 | ||
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Thanks for all the comments ... am so glad I found Wiki!!! I'm trying not to get my hopes up ... in the grand scheme of things its small progress and I'm probably clutching at straws..... who really knows how he feels except him and he wont tell ME! Have two kids and thought we were a good family before, so..... any chance to fix it I will grab with both hands .....trouble is its not up to me and we both know it!!! |
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