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Aug 04
2008
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Do You Live Here
A break was needed from the diaries: on last blog entry to give you some idea how stressful life was for all of us back then in hospital .
Back to the diaries
11th July Sunday
I went to the gym today as I had lost all sense of any kind of a routine that I previously had, being giving the constant run around. Sometimes I do not get a second to shop for food. I am so busy I have to eat out or on a train grab something in M&S at Cambridge station ,I am on platform 9 3/4 Kings Cross mainline on my way out to Addenbrookes for a supervised visit at the hospital, when I see Ian Wright , he smiles at me (the football player) I am so stressed I think who is he…… I should have got an autograph for C
Anyway I have done a food shop , even bought a bag of salad ,a cooked chicken,& a box of wine threw it in the locker in the ladies changing room as I headed for the tread mill ,I stay on there for an hour , I build up an appetite as I have none now .
Later I swap gyms, this time I go to a more prestigious health club, which has cleaner facilities than the last gym. So I find this such a relaxing place to be , where I can be only, really be free from SW’s ,courts , solicitors etc .
Time out from the stress of it all, did you know that the only place you will not find a social worker is in a wet area of a local gym.
Later on I find out this is a no go area for SW’s, you might see them upstairs or in the changing room but not in here, this is heaven, sanctuary, peace at last.
Come back to this later on.
I have gone from being a confident person, to now being a nervous wreck 0-60 in a minute.
My life,I say my life as it is all about me ,who is being scrutinised. The solicitors have asked for my medical files they are going to bring on 3 Expert Witness’s to give me the once over for reports for court. Why 3 ? this is not a murder trial .
The SS have not even rang me up all of the time ,to check if it is ok for an appointment .They just turned up on the door for a spot check ! This feels like harassment when you get a call I am outside your door! Is that right I am out sorry you missed me .
There is no privacy left, not even in your own home.
Come back to this later.
Monday
12th July 2004
10:00 am – 11; 30am contact at Leagrave Family Centre Mayne Avenue
The first thing C said was do you live here ?
My son is appalled at the state of the contact centre even to him it spells out detention prison,
When am I seeing you again, he asks me?, he is 7 years old and he feels something is not right here.
The SW’s sit looking at us now, she is studying how we interact with each other. This feels awful even similar to a prison like atmosphere.
The ZOO syndrome kicks in very early.
I fail miserably at these core assessments as we are so stressed out. C looks scared for most of the time. C also feels very down at times .So like animals we are expected to perform for the SW , as we try to play games look normal if there is such a thing, it is hard as some of the toys are dirty ,they are for 3 years and upwards and the toilets are dirty too . There is something stuck on the seat. I tell him not to use this.
Later on I find penned reports this goes against me.
I am concerned as C’s immune system is compromised by the treatment for leukaemia.
We hear some ignorant woman/mother screaming at her child in the next room, it is very upsetting to over hear this.
Later we are in the garden playing football, the other family, come outside into the garden with their children C says lets go back inside as we do not want any trouble with the security guards. The SW writes this down in her a report.
There is no security here, however C remembers now how I got in trouble, for complaining in the hospital about the family in the next bay to us making a noise in the middle of the night.
Monday
13th 2:00pm Dr PK Pillai
hospital no
Tel 497245
Bring medication bring urine sample; arrive 30 minutes before appointment
1st floor
I do not arrive I have no bloody time, this is 1 of the 7 urgent appointments I can not attend for the concerning mass on an X-ray .
10:00am my solicitor cancelled
Contact 10:00am – 11:30am cancelled due to Hospital poor C needs a blood transfusion I go to the hospital and sit whilst C has treatment for hours, I get asked by Foster Carer were I am from. I catch the SW and her rolling their eyes at each other at one stage.
Whilst I run out for Mc Ds for C as it takes hours for a blood transfusion to go through, I leave for the solicitor’s appointment. I also decided to take the earlier invitation for Pat & Gerry’s wedding in Ireland I pick up my hat. I have booked my hotel now I know C will have picked up after this transfusion. Today he will be full of life again after this .
4:30pm got to see L my solicitor
Wednesday
14th July 2004
8:00am Lee cash £360 for a burglar alarm system to be installed today.
Joe carpenter is in now on the same day laying laminate in the living room at the same time house is upside down.
11;30 am Dentist appointment check up.
4:00 Unity House Assessment JT SW
Thursday is free
15th July 2004
Friday
16th July 10:00am 11:30am
Leagrave Family centre
C is not happy to leave when it is time to leave he hides under the table from the SW.
Saturday
17th July 2004
Sunday
18th July
Monday 19th Dentist cancelled
9:30 am Court First Avenue House Principle Registry High Holborn
Another early start for me no time for a cuppa tea, I find a café back of Holborn tube station, I go in order a full breakfast have a cup of tea best cup of tea in a long time.
I look odd in here, as I am now smartly dressed in my suit for court ,alongside all the builders in their work clothes I stick out.
An empty sack won’t stand up my mother used to say to me eat!
Tuesday
20th July 2004
A Looked After child meeting 2:00pm Unity House
3:00pm BHS £75 Pauline cut colour and blow wave.
note ring Tuesday Pauline cancel the carpet fitters are calling same day
Carpet fitters for the stairs I have ordered cream carpet to go with the new laminate flooring .I will decorating C’s room for him as a surprise when he finally comes home.
He is too big for Buzz light year now
Wednesday
21st July 2004
10:00 11:30 am
contact at Leagrave centre
Provisional book 1:00pm for L solictitor
I have to cancel so many appointments as thy clash with hospital and core meetings.
Please note all the available contact whilst my son was having worst part of treatment.
They SS simply used us and abused use until we were surplus to requirements later on.
They simply stopped my contact for 3 months when I could not be trusted to not tell my son what they had in store for him and how long this would take in terms of time off his life spent living apart from his family & friends they cut this contact with his friends too.
Thursday
22nd July 2004
Depart for Ireland Gerry will come and pick me up at the airport.
I bump into 1 of C’s school friends mum who works in the duty free shop in Luton. Gerry picks me up in the Merc convertible ,I am worried he will be able to get the hat in the boot of his car and my holdall.
Friday
23 th July 2004
I move from the guest house in Donegal to go to the Church , one of the guys from Luton picks me up .The wedding is a fantastic affair with everyone form Eddies bar football team from 1995 are there too . Most of these people I have know for years now. I wish C was here with me he would love it. It even has a wishing well outside the church,
We head off to Mount Errigal Hotel Letterkenny for a superb evening with the couple along with musicians & bands some flown in from Luton.
The wedding was truly splendid affair.
Saturday
24th July 2004
I got a lift back to Donegal with the others to yet another guest house , I shared with 2 couples . I was shattered fell into bed for a sleep after having no sleep the night before. The bands got pulled at about 03:00am I had a swim in the hotel pool whilst the others went for a drink in the morning.
25th I decide to head home early now, I pack up ask to use the phone my flight is for tomorrow Monday. I am not sure when C is going on holiday they said it is to be decided.
It cost me another £95 for a flight home, a taxi to the airport and just as I landed at Gatwick I got the last coach to Luton were a taxi picked me up by the hotel at junction 11 by the M1 motorway.
I am back in time for the phone call from SA contact is back on at 10:00am-11:30 am then it is cancelled until the 30th of August 4, 2008 when it is back on the foster care is taking him away on holiday.
I have clocked up nearly £200 to be back from Ireland to visit my son is a dump of a CC for an hour and a half the reality is this most parents have to do this spend a fortune.
C mentions this: the cat is female all the pets are females the foster carers are a same sex couple with a teenage daughter. My son is telling me he is the only male in the house.
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