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Aug 03
2008
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Throwing down the gauntlet!!Posted by scaredgirl in children, breaking up, accepting its over |
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I've been feeling a bit tearful today - probably the result of too much wine last night! But I decided today that I had to try and move things on to some kind of conclusion - for my sake and that of the children. So when hubby turned up at the hospital (where our son is a long-term patient until the care package has been put into place), I told him that I want him to set a date when we can talk. And when we talk, he has to know where he wants to go with all this.
The problem is, he's got a great life at the moment - one I wouldn't mind having myself!! He's renting a small flat just round the corner from his work, rather than the 30 minute drive that he had before. He has our daughter overnight 2 nights during the week and sees her on weekend days, thus reviving the much missed weekend lie-ins that we used to enjoy. He excuses himself from bedtime duties by saying that he has to 'clean his flat' - HAHA, as if he ever did that when he lived at home!!! And he always smells suspiciously of stale booze when he turns up on Saturday mornings.
I've always said that I would take him back - caring for our son really is a 2-man job; and besides, I still love him. You don't just throw away 10 years of marriage on a whim. So far he has completely ignored all my requests for counselling, etc. But now I'm starting to wonder if I could really want to spend the rest of my life with a cowardly, responsibility-shirking, born-again teenager ..........
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marriaa
said:
| August 03, 2008 | ||
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scare, I really feel for you, I have looked after children who needs 24 hour nursing care ,it is very hard but then I could leave and go home but you will not be able to do that..I do not know if this is part of the reason for pour split ,it is very common,the strain is too much. You need to concentrate on you and your children.Going back to work is a good idea ,you need to be able to get out of the domestic situation for a bit for your own sanity,but do as few hours as you can and still not lose out on financial benefits.AS your children are young and obviously very dependent ,and he is a bigger earner let him fork out. take care you will get through it so do not worry too much,do not look too far ahead ,take a day at a time. listen to what he have to say but keep your opinion to yourself then consult your new found friends on wiki.there are some genius on here they will advise you. |
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mike62
said:
| August 03, 2008 | ||
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Scaredgirl, Welcome to Wikivorce. THis is a great community of caring people who understand exactly how you are feeling right now. Terrified. Married to Peter Pan, facing an uncertain future and without the support of the person that you built your trust and life around. It is a very hard situation to be in. His selfishness seems to know no bounds. It is not fair and you feel that you are being both parents to your children. My sister has a son who was brain injured as a result of medical negligence, so I fully understand what you eman about 24 / 7 / 365. She is luckily happily married and I know what a struglge she and her husband had in the early days. That was with 2 of them. But they have settled into a much better life. It took time and fine tuning. It is clear that you cannot rely on your husband to support you at the moment, so you need to plan life around the certainties that you DO have. And when it come to resolving the care package, do NOT accept second best. My sister has fought tooth and nail to get to the position she is in now. It wasn't easy. But she has some quality of life now. You can cope, you can do it. It is amazing what strength you will find within. But for now, little steps. You can't do it all, all at once. Do the bits you can do, and worry about the other bits when they become a problem. Make the most of the limited assistance that your husband is giving you. Perhaps it would be useful to make a mediation appointment and force the issue to a point with your husband. Shame him into attending. Exert pressure through his family if you can. He has to face up to reality. How unreasonable is it to expect you to pick up all the pieces? You are amongst friends here. Take care and keep posting. Mike |
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