|
Jul 22
2008
|
|
 |
Today when I collect my children, I am told by my ex that they have been naughty and that their punishment is a week without TV, DVD's, PSP's etc.
Ok I think not so hard it's not my weekend and I have to feed bath and put them to bed in the next two hours, and we won't have much time between these things.
However my children are very sad, and during our limited time together I sense this, my son, aged 8 and a really good, honest, caring child turns to me and says that my ex's new bloke has threatened him that if he is naughty that he will take his trousers down and smack him on his bottom. I pushed him very hard to state that this was true and his 5 year old sister backs him up.
I have never threatened him in this way, or smacked him, when we were together we were against this and my ex is a registered child minder, so she knows the score legally etc.
So what the fcuck do I do, if you have read my posts, you will know how I feel about my situation and how I feel about new bloke and his role in my children's life, personally right now I would happily do a couple of years inside for putting him straight, but I know this is not the answer.
They are all that matters to me in this world, my ex in laws don't like this guy, any of our family friends who have met him have not taken to him etc, however since he has been on the scene my relationship with the ex has been stable?
Help me blog friends
GM
Comments (5)
Show/Hide comments
sexysadie
said:
| July 22, 2008 | ||
 |
I know it is hard but I would wait and see for the moment. He's not actually done it yet. But if he does then you need to talk very seriously to your ex about the situation, maybe enlisting the help of her family. Keep calm about this around the children so that they feel able to tell you if anything does happen, and that their mother won't get into trouble with you if they do tell. I personally believe, by the way, that global punishments like depriving the children of all electronic toys are rather over the top and that whoever decrees them should only do so if they are going to be there to follow through and deal with the hassle. So if it had been your weekend then I don't think you should be bound to keep the prohibition. You may feel differently, though. Best wishes, Sadie |
|
| Votes: +0 |
report abuse
vote down
vote up
|
gareth67
said:
| July 22, 2008 | ||
 |
Hi Gman, I'm sorry to say that if it wasd me I would go out an knee cap him if he put a finger on my kids, granted this is not the grown up attitude but this is not someone elses kids they are yours! If you want a hand let me know becuase people like this are the scum of the earth and need to be shown that. I know there will be post saying understand, be kind, well fcuk them sort him out, there is nothing more valuable then your kids Gareth |
|
| Votes: +0 |
report abuse
vote down
vote up
|
Rasher
said:
| July 22, 2008 | ||
 |
Easy tiger This is a time to play strategically - indulge your fantasy to kick his head in on here but dont do it!! All that will happen is you will get hit with the conviction for violence and that will get used against you in contact so your kids end up seeing even less of you. You build your kids up and tell them you are always there for them and they can tell you anything - dont let them see you get angry (scream into a pillow but smile sweetly to the kids) you want them to confide in you at all times and feel safe doing so - they dont want to start hiding things from you because they are afraid of whats going to happen. Ex is childminder trained she knows she can be had on the physical punishment esp as he isnt a parent. Right now if anything happens those kids will tell you and you have the option of bringing an allegation against him - she cld lose the kids over that alone. You say she is better (with you do you mean?) since hes been on the scene - so dont directly go for him she will get defensive and not listen. Pick yr time carefully and then say to her - I need to talk to you about this punishment thing you planned re the banned PSP etc - tell her - look I dont want to undermine you but you and I have separate households now and we have to respect eachothers relationships with the kids. If you set a punishment its for you to carry out - but as I see them less you cannot expect me to carry out your punishments over my weekend. If theyve been naughty with you - tell me and I guarantee I will find a way to support you but with my own discipline methods. Then you say - I trust you to discipline the kids fairly - you and I always saw eye to eye on discipline and I know you wouldnt beat them or deprive them unnecessarily - trust me to do the same. Its subtle but will get the message accross - dont let your kids lose you - with this sort of character on the scene you are their main protector so dont get your self locked out. They will tell you if he steps out of line and for once this is something that the law will be universally on your side IF you play it righ. Deep breaths now and keep a focus. Hope that helps - Rasher |
|
| Votes: +0 |
report abuse
vote down
vote up
|
Goodman01
said:
| July 22, 2008 | ||
 |
I have no intention of beating his brains out, god I am 35 not 15! I just dont know how to deal with this situation, if an adult ever threatened my children in this way in any other circumstances I would be able to take them on straight away but this is so much more complicated! I am asking for advice from others who have faced similar or have thought what they might do if it were to happen to them? GM |
|
| Votes: +0 |
report abuse
vote down
vote up
|
Shezi79
said:
| July 23, 2008 | ||
 |
Hi GM I'm sorry to hear you're in this situation honey, though to be honest, it comes up commonly when either ex gets involved in a new relationship. When my kids were 4 and 6, my ex moved his girlfriend into his house. My fears at the time, I remember, were about her being 19 (I was then 29 and he 32) and the kids liking her more because she would play with them and maybe they would call her 'mummy' etc. The reality? She was jealous of the kids and wasn't very nice to them. I need not have worried about them liking her more than me... they didn't like her at all. They still don't. My relief was short-lived. Not liking her at all was much worse. I've listened to the crap relationship that exists between her and them for years. My son moaned only yesterday about a spiteful comment she had made. At various times over the years I have telephoned ex to talk to him about some of the things the kids have said she says/does. Inevitably, that became an argument between me and my ex because he's suspicious of my own agenda etc., etc. No easy way to do this GM. However, you have to try. Your wife needs to know that her children are saying this about her partner. If she knows it already then you need to have that discussion with her that leaves her in no do doubt whatever how you feel about it. Don't wait until the guy follows though on his threats because that puts everyone at risk. One thing I learned about divorce GM, always listen to the kids. Don't believe everythiing they say without question, don't act on every impulse they provoke. But always listen to what they have to say. They see and hear quite a lot and they need to know they have somone to trust with their fears. Talk to her. Shez x |
|
| Votes: +0 |
report abuse
vote down
vote up
|
Write comment
Show/Hide comment formYou must be logged in to a comment. Please register if you do not have an account yet.
