hurt sadness now contact

contact issue today, got text last night asking if he could take daughter away for a few days (tue to fri) surprise surprise does not interfear with his weekend.   I have things arranged for my daughter during the day for the next 2 weeks so i suggested why not a weekend break - that way i can at least have a day/night out.

Reply back asking for daughters free weekdays and weekends from now to end of school hols.   have not replied to that yet as i am seeing a lawyer this week, want to know roughtly costs involved in that first.   Really feel that my daughter and i deserve a break away after all we are the ones forced into this position, and it has been a very rought 7 weeks.

Weekly contact just now is twice a week (i have not been asked what days suit me) just 2 days he has decided and again (does not interfear with his weekend)

This week i have asked (as letter from his lawyer said contact flexible) that rather than the 2 short days he has 1 long day on Saturday - still waiting on reply.   But no doubt game of golf or few beers with mates will be the winner on that day.   Fingers crossed im proved wrong.

Why is it someone who was such a devoted hands on father and family man from day 1 can all of a sudden decide to just get up and go and walk out of a wee ones life he knows is tearing her apart.  I know kids get over things, but he keeps putting work and social commitments before her.     He left saying i will always be there for you.... whats that all about.

Im the one who has given up financial security to work part time and take unpaid school holidays, im the one who has given up a social life to stay in and care for child - Im the one who is worried sick every day trying to work out how i am going to be able to take care of our daughter.     Yet it seems from what i have been reading the law is on his side as far as long term financial support  is concerned.

All it takes is for his circumstances to change and be unable to pay maintance and we could be in real financial difficutly.    I cannot get my full time job so if i need to earn more to support myself i need to work evenings or weekends, i dont have any family to deal with childcare - apart from daughters father - who is very unlikly to do this for me.    

I know people overcome these things daily and lots of you out there have came through and survived.   But at this moment in time i just feel like giving up.

he has much greater income that i do and he can provide a better standard of living than i can - is he perhaps wanting me to had care of daughter over to him.... I just dont know.     Daughter wants to be with her dad all the time as she knows he the one who can provide all the good things.      She knows life with me is going to be a struggle.     Life is too short to muck it up, and i dont want her to miss out on opportunities i never had when i was young. ( my mum and dad split up when i was very young never saw my dad much and my mum struggled very hard )

Just hope meeting with lawyer is going to help situation.

hope get reply back about contact.

Also dreading daughter going away for a few days with him, she will have a wonderful time and he will spend loads of money on her and take her somewhere nice,  - my few days away not likley to amount to much - no matter what i try to do i will never be able to compete on that leval.

Also we have a wee dog, will have to find him a new home, as just another expense. Its a shame as when we are here in the house on our own he is a wee guard dog and when daughter is away you dont feel so alone.   

Thats me had my say for the day.    Just going to start on some housework - loosing interest in the house daily as well.    Nothing going right these days.    Must remember to put the lottery on this week.    You just never know.    Wouldnt that be nice.