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Jul 15
2008
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I am not sure how I am going to get through this but feel writing it down might help! To all you readinbg this sorry for going on...
I have been with my husband for 25 years in all and married 18 years. For the last 8 years he was on the internet 'chatting' to other women and left me and the kids 4 years ago for another woman but after 5 weeks came back and said he loved me. Foolishly I took him back but he refused to go to Relate and we carried on from there me feeling he was going to do it again and him not really being able to offer any reasons that he did it other than he felt lonely.
In October he left me and said he couldn't live with me anymore turned out he had another women and he moved in with her 2 weeks later. During this time I did not tell the boys and we agreed that they would not be told until after Christmas to protect him. They are 13 and 15 so old enough to be aware of things. After Christmans my husbands depression took hold further and he had to go in to hospital for 2 weeks treatment - he has been depressed for most of our marriage. Everything was amicable and I went to see him with the kids although we had a number of heated discussions. He has been up and down mood wise and happy agreeing things then changing his mine.
Everyone encouraged me to find someone else and in February I met someone I met online and he is now my rock.
My husband was not happy at all and since then things gone down hill. He wanted a divorce to come off the mortgage etc so put house up for sale lots of debts most of which I pay. He is not working as I have made him so ill he cant. My youngest son missed his dad so much and wanted to move in with him deverstated of course I let him and still see him lots.
We came to an agreement on the spliting of assets and since we had one boy each living with us it was equal split with a provision that husband paid a contribution to mortgage and joint loan once house sold. All contact has been through solicitors recently and he changed his mind again and said he would not agree to the contribution.
Anyway at the weekend I came home from my new partner to find my eldest son decided that he would also move in with his dad and they had cleared all his stuff out. After calling him he came round and told me that he was not happy after discussions with his dad and sight of a solicitors letter (?) saying that I was going to throw my husband and my youngest son out of his partners house that they live in and make them all homeless. He was so upset about it and told me he was so confused. My husband shouted he had been trying to get benefits as he couldnt work as I had made him so ill and has swiftly taken their birth certificates.
I do not know how I am going to cope without both my boys I asked the eldest to come and chat to me last night but said he wanted 'time out' - I am beside myself and do not know how I can function.
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scaredandupset
said:
| July 15, 2008 | ||
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Hi Deb It sounds like you r going thru a really rough time right now and I am glad u have found this site and managed to get some thoughts down. You have not 'gone on' it is important u have an outlet for the things racing thru your head. One of the things that struck me in your post was that u and your husband seem to be blaming u for making him ill. How is that possible? It seems to me that u have supported him thru illness and unacceptable behaviour on his part and he was not really giving anything back. From my experience(read my blog/forum entries) people with severe depression or mental health issues can decide to blame others for their problems because that is easier for them to cope with. My ex did that and often made me feel like the worst wife in the world. It's amazing that if u r told something often enough u start to believe it. Don't fall into that trap. It sounds to me that he is just pixxxd because u r starting to get a life without him. Your children r just saying they need time out at the moment, they r old enough to realise what is really going on and hopefully for your sake it won't take long.Maybe write them a letter they can keep reading it then, keep it simple and to facts u were not trying to make anyone homeless and don't know about that, u love them both and when they feel ready to talk u r there for them. Its worth checking out your legal rights too, but I would imagine at the moment u just want to honour your boys wishes. Hope this all helps hun, big hugs and take care of u .Message me if u want. Scared x x  |
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debred35
said:
| July 15, 2008 | ||
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Thank you so much for your comment Scared x You are spot on I have spent my whole marriage supporting him and all he has done is blame me and it really wears you down after a while. I really cannot believe he has turned the boys against me but agree deep down eventually they will realise and at least I can still see them. Thanks again for your support and once I work my way round the site lol I will message you! Take care of you. Deb x |
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Elizabeth
said:
| July 15, 2008 | ||
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 Hello Debred35, I really do empathise with your post. You have been very honest and upfront - I too have two boys - my situ is very different from yours in lots of ways - but I have "lost" my eldest son to my ex who has "brainwashed" our eldest boy to believe he is his "souldmate" and "bestfriend" this is all my ex's doing - prior to this we were a family - BUT my ex always made our eldest the favourite. He took both our boys - after 20 years together - I trusted this man implicity and he let me down and betrayed me. He has lied and deceived believing everthing he says is right and lives in a fantasy world. The result is that our youngest boy lies with me and the eldest has stayed with his father but I have not seen him for a year -he wont communicate with any of my side of the family. I hurt every day over this - I sometimes wish I had never married this man for him to so cruelly take our boys and use the gender issue against me - I am their mother but he gives me no respect for this. All because I stood up to him.... Will my eldest boy ever see any common sense?! You are a star - a good lady who is doing the right thing - it willl all come out good in the end..keep on this site and I will be happy to hear from you at any time.! I must go to bed now though!1 Elizabeth |
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debred35
said:
| July 16, 2008 | ||
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Thanks so much Elizabeth for your comment and I am sorry you are hurting ((((hug)))) Like you said it will all come out good in the end and I am sure your son will soon realise you will always be their mum and they will always love you!! Just be strong! Take care Deb x |
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