Most of the blogs on here are pretty depressing reading.  After all, we only tend to blog when things go wrong, and we need help.  So, in an effort to redress the balance, here's a more upbeat story of things going right.  It can work out.

We're in the middle of sorting out the finances.  It's not going to be easy.  There's simply not enough money to go round.  We're going to have to sell the house, and we have a load of debt.  Money was something we rowed about constantly.  My stbx is trying to sort out benefits, meanwhile I'm paying the running costs on two houses and the mortgage on one, and running through my reserves fast, trying to avoid borrowing money from my parents, and relying on the charity of friends for beer money.   

Anyway, this clearly couldn't go on.   We had to sort something out.  For quite a while, whenever we've spoken, it's been painful, and on the verge of erupting into another godawful row.  This promised to be another of the same.

As it turned out, we had a very civilised conversation, the first in about the four months since I moved out.    We talked about the problems, we discussed possible solutions, and we agreed what we would do.  No fuss, no screaming, no blame.  Just grown-ups dealing with a difficult situation in a sensible way.

 How did we do it?

I think it was preparation.  I recently got a booklet* from my lawyer about dealing with various situations, and it really helped.

First, we set up the meeting in advance, so we could mentally prepare for it.  We picked a time when we knew the kids wouldn't be around, so we could talk in private.

Second, I made sure that she had all the financial information well in advance, on paper, so she could see it for herself, and check it with her solicitor if she wanted.

And third, we agreed what we'd talk about, and stuck to that.   No chit-chat, no "and another thing". 

For those of you who've been in business, this may sound familiar.  That's because it is.  Our relationship is now business-like and practical.  Taking this approach completely removed the emotion from the situation, and that made it much, much easier to sort out what needed to be done.

I didn't think it would work.  I thought it was just a load of psycho-babble.  But it really did work.  I was expecting a really nasty phone call, and in the event, it was as painless as you could get.

 *It's called Separation and Divorce from Resolution www.resolution.org.uk