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Jul 03
2008
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Just when I thought I was doing really well, and all in the garden of life was blooming, it start to rain, not just a light refreshing shower, but a great deludge of big fat raindrops.
My worries are minor in comparison to many, I realise that, but they are still there, occupying my head all the time, pushing the good thoughts and feelings to the back of my mind.
I worry that he, the x2b, will come back and try to move back in (something that has always concerned me, probably unnecessarily), him changing his mind about the separation agreement, deciding that he wont consent to a divorce after 12 month separation, being able to afford the day-to-day things like fuel, food, clothes, being able to afford birthday presents for my girls at the end of this month, I worry about my own health (stress has a significant impact on my ME, so it tends to be a downward spiral until I can find the strength to stop spinning). While I wait for my DLA to be re-assessed, that benefit is suspended, meaning my income is severely reduced for about 3-4 months. There have been a spate of thefts in the village, and I noticed that my shed door has been forced, thankfully they didn’t succeed in breaking it open, but other things have been taken – the police confirmed that women living on their own have been targeted, and this causes me concern and makes me feel more vulnerable. My cat died 2 weeks ago, my lovely companion who was always there for me, and for a long time was the only source of comfort in a loveless marriage (aside from my children), and I miss him.
Like I said, these are all minor worries, and I could cope with one or two or three at a time, but all together, they are just a bit overwhelming at the moment. I must concentrate on the positives in my life – my children, the man who makes me smile, my friends, the fact that I don’t have a terminal illness, and that one day, the x2b will be gone from my life, and my future is bright and full of happiness – all these must be my focus now, not the minor worries that go round and round in my head like a merry-go-round.
Sorry for moaning and thank you for reading and you know what, I feel better already….
When I get really low, I listen to this song, to remind exactly what I do have, and why I should be thankful
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=GUcXI2BIUOQ&feature=related
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mike62
said:
| July 03, 2008 | ||
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Ruby, ruby, ruby, ruby... We all have our little insecurities - just makes us human. Hardly surprising considering yoru stbx's sudden changes of mind and direction. Rome wasn't built in a day. You are streets and miles from where you once were. Three bold steps forwards, one tiny one back - still two and a great big bit forward innit? You keep going in the right direction! That smile on your face on your gallery photos speaks volumes. Take care, Mike | |
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whyme41
said:
| July 03, 2008 | ||
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Ruby its ok to rant and remember this is what the site is for. You may have felt that being on here for a long time doesnt mean you still have concerns and worries and hey who would'nt have worries with what you have going on in your life right now! Your happiness is now in grasping distance dont let the little things stand in your way. Keep smiling, lock your doors ALL the time think happy thoughts about the future and you know as i do that you have to stop the spinning and get off the roundabout because it makes the M.E. worse. Stay strong and use the site to sound off just because you are better than before doesnt mean you dont need us to support you. Take care, Amanda | |
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Claymic78
said:
| July 03, 2008 | ||
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hi Ruby You might think they are minor things, but if they matter to you, then it matters!!! Each of us have our own things that worry us and causes us concerns and they are not less important from the concerns of the next person. Please make sure that you are safe...and i know it is hard but you need to take care of yourself...especially for ur girls. Take care!! Claudette |
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determined
said:
| July 03, 2008 | ||
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Hi ruby Sorry i haven't chatted to u much in the last few days but i am always happy to talk over any worries u have. Think of the positives girl - ur ME is getting better albeit slowly at times and ur DLA will be sorted. You have a very special guy that u will be sharing the rest of your life with who knows he is lucky to have you. Small things become big problems if we let them be. If you are worried come on here and chat and ask for help and support - as why me said just because you are a regular doesn't mean we can't support you As to the garden rain is good and will help the plants grow. From determined - proud to cal u my friend  |
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kidsinbulgaria
said:
| July 04, 2008 | ||
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Ruby, Thats one hell of a lot of things to deal with in such a short space of time surprised you didn't crack earlier. You have recognised now that things have started getting on top of you and you start using some of your new found coping mechanisms to help, including wiki. The road is long with many a twisting turn but you are some way into your journey and there will come a point when it is all downhill and you can take you feet of the pedals for good but until then keep pedalling, however uphill it may seem. If you ever want to chat and perhaps me cheer you up, then look me up. In typical 'kids' fashion, I will leave you on this thought :- 'It sounds like it was the last straw that broke the camels back but things could still be a lot worse, you could be a dromedary' Take Care Mike x In case Daisy040 is reading, a dromedary only has one hump |
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