Hi all

I've been a member of this site for a few weeks now, and have spent many hours reading everyone's stories. I've only recently replied to a couple of posts but have been overwhelmed by the difficulties that so many people have gone through. So many people have been so brave and I'm only sorry, as I know everyone is, that some people can be so cruel and cause so much pain.

I'm coming to the end of my struggles now and thought I would write, partly to share my experiences, also to reach out to anyone who may have been through something similar to me. I know there are people out there who may be able to specifically relate to me and if any of you are reading this please get in touch. The one thing that I know would have helped me is to talk with someone who is experiencing a relationship breakdown for similar reasons.

Briefly - I met my ex-husband (we are now divorced) in May 2002 when I was 25 . We started dating within a few months and he proposed on my birthday in August 2003. We married in April 2006, I left him in February 2007, and our decree absolute was issued in early May 2008 - I divorced him for unreasonable behaviour.

My ex had been married before and so I was his second wife. He is still in contact with his first wife as she is the mother of his daughter who he loves very much. He explained that marriage one had broken down due to her adultery. I never questioned this, I trusted him, and I thought a lot of very bad things of her. Not helped by some of her "actions" during the time I was with my ex. (Actions that I now fully understand and approve of knowing what I do now).

Until the point we were married everything seemed OK - there were some small problems, but I was happy, I believed he was happy, and I looked forward to marrying him and being his wife. My parents never liked him and for some months my relationship with them was strained as a result. I'm glad to say that this is all OK now.

Within a few weeks of marriage my husband began to change - became very moody and withdrawn, and increasingly critical of everything I did - the way I dressed, the things I said, the friends I spent time with, even the shopping I did.

By the Autumn of 2006 he would barely speak to me, other than to say that he was having a bad day and as I was allowed to have bad days I should let him have the same. Fine. But his bad day had lasted for months and I was tearing my hair out.

I chose not to talk to any of my friends or family - a crazy decision in retrospect! I was so embarrassed that my marriage of barely weeks had reached such an awful state. My ex wouldn't be seen in public with me - refused to socialise, cancelled invitations from friends at very short notice and I was left explaining yet again why he wasn't around. Then one night he really snapped and the worst of everything started.

I won't detail everything here but what he said to me was cruel and vindictive. He knew me so so well and picked on all my insecurities to make me feel awful about myself. Like many brides I lost weight before my wedding and put weight on afterwards - nothing too extreme, I've never been above a UK size 12 - but my appearance offended him. He was now embarrassed to be seen with me and didn't want people associating with me. I could go on, but am sure you all get the gist.

Things reached a head when he tried to turn my family against me. Visiting my mother to tell her all that was wrong with me and to ask her to help him change me. From this point onwards I was not only fighting for my marriage but fighting my family as they, naturally, wanted me to leave. He never physically hurt me but there were many many times when I was really scared. The anger and hatred in his eyes will never leave me.

I left him in February 2007. Shortly afterwards he showed me a letter from his doctor and he had been diagnosed with a form of manic depression. He admitted to me that his first marriage had failed because of his depression and not because of his first wife's affairs. He had not been given the same diagnosis first time round but he had been treated for depression for many months and chose never to tell me.

It is some consolation to know that there is a medical reason for his behaviour, but I also know that he wasn't that ill for most of our relationship and he knew he was deliberately lying to me. Shortly after this point he was hospitalised for a few weeks at his doctor's request.

This has already become a lot longer than I intended so I'll sign off now. Thank you to anyone who has read this far. For me, it is nearly 18 months later, things are still not always easy and I feel for everyone who is hurting however the marriage breakdown happened.

I will post again as some of my experiences after I left him have been enormously helpful. There has been a lot of pain too but time has helped ease this.