Random Ramblings 1 - Being a parent

I know some may think that all my blog contains is random ramblings, but I have read/seen/heard/been involved with a few things over the last few days that have lead to my blogging brain going onto overdrive.

 The first is children.

I was mulling over the report in the Times ( http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/science/article4215440.ece) that that there is now a scarcity of egg/sperm donors prepared to step forward following the change in the law that gives the resulting children the right to know the donor idenity once the child hits 18.

 I was once asked to donate eggs, by a friend who wanted IVF and needed it before she hit the age limit (she was 41).  The deal was I donate eggs, they get given to a match (not her) and she gets to the top of the list when a match for her came up.  In return I would have my tubes clipped so that I could not have anymore children (by and large they seek egg donors who do not wish to have anymore children). 

 We were all set to go when she got pregnant and for one reason and another I decided that I didnt want to proceed in the circumstances.  

When reading the report I started to wonder if I even would have entertained the idea if I knew that there was a possibility that any resulting child would know my identity and could, if he or she choose, get in touch with me in future.

I came to the conclusion that no, I absolutely would not have entertained the idea for many reasons, not least of which the effects of contact on my two children and the effects on the resulting child.  For instance, would he or she expect to become a part of my family?  Would he or she be resentful if his/her family circumstances meant he or she had had less opportunities than my children?  Would I feel morally obligated financially towards the child?  And last but by no means least, how would the parents who had brought up the child feel?  Would it hamper their relationship?

This then led me on (I warned you it was random ramblings) to what makes a parent?  This thought process was added to by the debate ongoing today on Wikivorce about F4J.

Is a father who is malicously denied a relationship with a child any less of a parent than an involved dad?  Is a step dad who steps into the vacuum left by an uninterested and uninvolved dad more of a parent than the uninterested one?  Is a sperm donor a father or an egg donor a mother?

Wikipedia (the other great wiki on the net) has this to say as to what is a parent:

A parent is a father or mother; one who sires or gives birth to and/or nurtures and raises an offspring. The different role of parents varies throughout the tree of life, and is especially complex in human culture. 

Hmmm, not particularly helpful or conclusive then.

My definition of a parent would I suppose be someone who was involved in the day to day upbringing of a child.  Surely a sperm or egg donor could never be described as a parent because they have had no involvement with the child and the same for the deliberately uninterested and uninvolved.

But that negates and ignores all those fathers and mothers out there who are maliciously kept from being involved with their child.  They haven't deliberately walked away from their responsibilities, but rather are kept away.

What do we call them?

LB2 x