I went abroad for 3 weeks in March to visit relatives.  We had been out of touch, almost estranged for some 11 years.  However, unexpectedly they have offered to support me while I go through this divorce.  This support has been mainly emotional but they have also offered to become advocates for me when I see my solicitor etc.  I am very greatful for this - it is more than I expected.   I had lost hope of finding any friends in my predicament.

Since March, the time has gone by in a blur of ups and downs with plently of worry and uncertainty.  My solicitor has advised me to stay in the 'ex-marital' home because my name is still on the deeds.  My husband and I are having to live as a separated couple in the same home, which is very difficult.  The other week, the divorce papers finally arrived at my solictors from the court.  I find it deeply hurtful that my husband is still citing 'threatening him and the children' as one of his reasons for bringing the divorce.  I have never threatened him or the children - my solicitor advises me to deny this and the other allegations (also untrue or overexaggerated).  He just needs to scrape the barrel for reasons to get rid of me.

My husband still orders me about, contantly telling me what to do, particularly with making preparations for the divorce.  He continues to make it plain that he wants me out of this house as soon as possible.  Apparently he was made a mortgage offer in January '08 that runs out in August '08.  That means that his divorce offer must be accepted by me and my solicitor, the mortgage papers must be signed, my name must be taken off the deeds and I must be out of this house by end of August '08.

As my husband constantly reminds me, if he misses this offer (because of the slow response of my solicitor) he will not be able to afford to give me the mortgage offer of 35K.  My solicitor says this is not acceptable; the offer would not be enough to re-house me anyway, while the cost of re-mortgaging the house is his problem.  My husband has been giving me 'the third degree' every time I see my solicitor, trying to find out what documents she wants.  He is always nagging me for information that should be confidential.  He made me 'phone me solictor one day last month and told me what to ask her for.  Then, when I was on the 'phone, he started shouting at me and telling me not to twist his words and not to 'bad mouth' him to my solicitor.  She said that she had overheard him shouting and asked me to ask him to leave the room.  She explained that all our calls should be confidential and that my husband should not be prompting me and putting me under duress.

She sent a letter to my husband's solicitor, instructing her to warn her client about his behaviour.  He was not pleased about being 'hauled in front of his solicitor' as he put it, for a telling off.  He was sulky for a few days after this.  Since then, he has written to his solicitor complaining about certain aspects of my behaviour - things he had not even mentioned until he received that warning letter from my solicitor.

For example, he was in hospital for one week for treatment for an ongoing physical complaint.  Basically, something made him think that the childred were not being properly cared for by me (he does not trust me at all and the slightest mention of anything from the childred - in this case, a leaking washing machine that I dealt with successfully - makes him overreact).  Without consulting me, he called his sister to come down from Yorkshire to do 'essential shopping and washing'.  Not only has his sister's attitude turned nasty towards me - she believes I am an unfit mother and my children are suffering - but the intrusion was unwanted and unneeded.

The children and I were managing perfectly well while their father was in hospital.  Our home seemed to be much more relaxed and peaceful - we were have a break from 'walking on eggshells' and cringing all the time.  I had to 'phone my husband on the hospital ward and firmly tell him I did not want or need his sister's intervention.  Once my husband was out of hospital, he was still unable to walk properly and I fetched and carried for him and helped him as he asked me to.  But all the time he was pushing me to get information from my solicitor and going on about losing the time limited mortgage.  He had a warning letter from my solicitor about his behaviour (putting me under duress) and was very resentful about that.  About 3 weeks later I received a letter from his solicitor, complaining about my behaviour - saying I was screaming so loud on the hospital phone that the whole ward could hear.  Also, that it was obvious that the children were being neglected.  As I say, he had never metioned this before.  My solicitor agrees this letter could be in retaliation for her warnings.  (My husband always retaliates, somehow.)  The letter from my husband's solictor also said that any repeat of the behaviour from me would result in his application to have me removed from the house (he has been looking for excuses to have me forcibly removed from my own home since January '08).

According to my solicitor, such an application would not succeed.  However, I continue to live with an atmosphere of tension in this house.  My husband is always one step ahead and I worry about what 'bombshell' he is planning next.  He works as a schoolteacher and the summer holidays are coming up soon.  I don't know how we will cope with him around the house all the time.  It would be good if he could take the children away on holiday for a week or two and then I could get some peace and quiet.

Anyway, thanks for taking the time to read this, and thanks in anticipation of any comments.

Zanth.