Why does he do this?

Why does he keep doing this to me?

Checked my bank account today, no sign of monthly CSA payment, so I ring them and they say he hasn't paid and that they will chase it up. My mortgage payment is due on Monday and I am dreading having to phone them to say once again I can't pay because I am beholden to my ex-husband to make up a large amount of the mortgage payment. Without the money from the CSA it is a case of pay the mortgage or feed the children for the month.

It really is that simple!

He has contact with the children on Friday. Will he mention not paying, I doubt it and I won't because we don't talk unless it is directly related to that contact session; owing to the abuse he has made me endure.I have instructed my solicitor that I can only deal with 3rd party contact via my mum now as the abuse has escalated in recent weeks since the divorce and financial settlement.

I do try to stay strong but when faced with losing the house and really not having many options as to where to go without disrupting the children's schooling and friendships; which are so vitally important to them at the moment I am struggling to know what to do.

I got my new Tax Credits Award Notice today; my payments having gone up by about £100 every 4 weeks, only to find that he has already stopped paying via the CSA. I am scared about making any decisions re: the house; I could lose everything which ever way I play it. Sell up and waste my equity renting or stay and end up getting reposessed through mortgage arrears. I am trying, I am usually so good with money matters but this just scares the pants off me!

So, not only am I trying to protect my children from the behaviour of their father but now I am faced with not being able to protect them with someone to live either. When will he see that it is not me he is hurting but his 5 lovely, sweet, innocent children?