If only I could sleep...

I haven't blogged here for a month.  Mostly, because I've been busy and haven't had time, partly because I haven't had net at home since moving house until a few days ago, so I've only been able to access this site at work, and have had technical problems until last night, but to a large extent because I haven't had anything much to say except "today was a good day".

Since my wife decided a month ago that our marriage was definitely over, I'm feeling really good about myself, and free from so many of the things that have been getting me down for the last five years or so.  I'm not working as hard as I did (and what I am doing is a lot of fun), I have loads of support from colleagues, friends, and family, and I have more time to do the things I enjoy.  I get on fine with my kids, my new house is feeling like a home, I have the beginnings of a social life, I go out a couple of times a week, I'm getting fit from cycling 4 miles a day, and I'm eating well.  Generally, I'm thoroughly enjoying my life now, and starting to move on.  I've even found myself comfortable talking to people of the opposite sex again, now that I don't have to worry whether my wife is going to think I'm having an affair with any woman I speak to! 

I wish things would move a bit faster now, and we could get this to a conclusion fast, but she seems to be dragging her heels.  She saw a solicitor this week, but won't speak to me at all now and tell me how she wants to proceed.  I've made a proposed interim settlement, and suggested a long-term settlement, and got no response.  In fact, more or less the only time we've spoken in three weeks is when she told me I couldn't have the kids to stay at half-term because they hadn't done something or other, so they didn't deserve the "treat" of staying with me.  I basically exploded, and pointed out that them being with me was their right and my right, and she could not arbitrarily decide that they were not allowed to see me.  But I think we're past that one now.  

The only annoying bit of my life is I just can't sleep.   It's not that I'm lying awake worrying, or feeling sorry for myself, or anything,  I'm just suffering from the worst bout of insomnia I can remember. This is now the fourth night in a row where I can't sleep, despite Temazepam, milky drinks, no caffeine, and everything else.  I can happily doze off on the sofa watching telly in the evening, but as soon as I try and go to bed, I wake up.

Oh well.  At least I get to read a lot of books at the moment! See, there's always an upside to everything.

 To everyone who's given me support or made me laugh when I needed it - thank you.  The support we give each other is what stops us going crazy.

To everyone who's going through hell - it DOES get better. One day, the fights, the screaming, and the blaming will stop being the things that dominate your life, and you'll be yourself again.

To everyone who feels alone - you're not.  Everyone's story is different, but so much of what's happened to you has happened to many, many others.  You're not a freak.  Sh*t happens.   

To everyone who's feeling angry, bitter, resentful, or vengeful about what's happened to them - let it go, it won't help.  Move on with your own life, do he things that make you happy, and stop even thinking about your ex. 

To everyone who feels hard done by - don't think about what you've lost.  Think about what you could do now with what you have.

OK, that was much longer than I intended.  I'll try and get some shut-eye now.   Night all!