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May 09
2008
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It's tough to be a single man having had to fight to be able to get married and then fight to get divorced.
The marriage
I'm a 20-something Londoner and I got married to a lady from Lahore, Pakistan in 2006 after we'd met in quite random circumstances. At the time, we were in love and my family and friends were deeply supportive of my relationship. The distance was the biggest problem and so I had to fly all my family to Pakistan so that I could get married in accordance with custom.
After having to spend thousands on the wedding and then another couple of grand to bring my wife to the UK on a settlement visa, she just wasn't the same person; rude, abrupt, nasty at times, resentful, cold hearted and everything that she wasn't before we'd been married.
The split
Later on, in new years 2007, she called the police and alledged I'd tried to beat her up - totally untrue allegations. I'll never forget the moment the police knocked on my door and the feeling of spending the night in a cold, windowless police cell staring at the ceiling in total disbelief at what had happend.
The divorce
I had to file for divorce after what my ex did. She falsly claimed that she was a victim of domestic violence and went to stay in a womens refuge, whilst I was left to pick up the pieces and receive a falsly drafted non-molestation order against me from her. She took my passport, birth certificate, marriage certificate with her when I was in the cell.
Yet, it's now May 2008 and since then, my ex hasn't cooperated at all, letters to her solicitors go ananswered. If she ever did write a letter to my solicitors, she'd never acknowledge the reply we'd sent to her. She even refused to handover the marriage certificate and refused to acknowledge any divorce papers sent to her solicitors. Luckily a judge was sympathetic to my case and granted me a Nisi on the basis that I'd done everything reasonably possible to seek my ex's cooperation and obtain the documents.
The future... who knows?
I want to write a book about my experiences; about getting married abroad, bringing a spouse to the UK, facing false allegations of domestic violence. Had I not been in a successful career, I don't know how I would have been able to afford all the legal fees, I know others are not as fortunate as I am.
I'll keep posting here with details of what happened in my case. I want to help those who have gone through the same thing and would be keen to receive emails from those who want advice.
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Marsbar21
said:
| May 11, 2008 | ||
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I'm so sorry to hear about your dreadful experience. It's a shame when a spouse can be so cruel like your's has been. Obviously we can only pick up the pieces and start all over but how do we learn to trust again? I wish you all the happiness which you so rightfully deserve, and may the pain that someone has brought upon u, b only but a distant memory. Good luck with your future, wish you everything of the best. | |
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starry_eyes
said:
| May 12, 2008 | ||
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I really feel for you, it seems this woman is being totally selfish. Sorry to say but her only concern is being able to live in this country, maybe that was part of her motive into marrying you. Hope you have happier days. Your a young man, try not to get bitter and move on with your life. Take care of yourself! | |
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colin_sparks
said:
| June 02, 2008 | ||
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i've heard this story from elsewhere, a family friend's son went through this....it might even be you?!? A.L. ? .....maybe it's a well rehearsed trick from girls back home (ps. colin is not my real name.) |
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needingadvicenow
said:
| July 26, 2008 | ||
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Hi I have been searching the internet for a story like this needing advice from anybody who has been there. My cousin is going through the same thing. He got married to a girl from Punjab in India in December 07, after going through visa issues etc, she arrived here in the UK in Feb. Since day one she made his life hell. They were living together with his parents in the same house, so this girl behaved in the same incomprehendably rude, mean, nasty way, playing one against the other as well. At the same time she spent 3-4 hours a day everyday calling her parents in India. Besides the bad behaviour, she started breaking household items such as microwaves, kettles, even the phone & completely denying she did anything. Although as everybody else works full time, she was the only person alone at home everyday. My cousin & his parents used to come home to mayhem. To cut a long story short, she compalined to her parents that my cousin & her parents were abusing her - totally false. She then started disappearng at different times of the day & not returning for hours - saying that she was working. It was unbelievable. Finally she filed an alligation of abuse against her by my cousin & his parents. When the police knocked on the door, she didnt say anything & kept silent. Finally, she has run off to a battered womens shelter. My cousin & his parents are very naive, they are sitting around not doing anything & really dont know how to deal with this. I have said that he needs legal advice. Your story is so similar,its unbelievable, can you help by suggesting what we / he needs to do? Thanks so much in advance - sorry about the immence blog |
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