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May 01
2008
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another day on the treadmillPosted by townie in Untagged |
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Another day and more depression.Woke up early after going to bed late as was unable to sleep.Woke up same way as I went to sleep ,crying.Pathetic aren't I?
This week and last has been a real drain on me, keep sleeping during the day and feeling unable to face things.Last weekend I got some escape from things as I went to stay with a friend and was kid free but comming back home here and having to face more stress is doing me in.I have forms from the council to fill in and my financial statement to prepare for for court..and now we have squirrels in the loft and a hole in the roof obviously..of course he doesn't care, as its out of sight out of mind.funny that.
Last week all me and s2bx did was argue.The marriage is over so why argue?He has his new life/woman and should be happy but says he is not yet stays with new woman, not that I would entertain the thought of us getting back together.He keeps telling me he is not happy with his new life, what I can't understand is why say it ?Why does he feel the ned to tell me.It seems he thinks I have to be there with a supporting ear despite everything he has put me through.He also said he would sign the auxillory relief form signing the house over to me, but as yet heard nothing from the solicitor so that was all lies too.Says his new woman won't tell him her assets or financial details so he is trying to hide that, can they be forced to tell the court I wonder.I bet she has money as he has always looked for that ..then we had the old story about how unhappy he was and how he was thinking of moving out to a bedsit in Watford(strangely enough that is where she came from).Why would he even think I care what he is up to when I don't it is just he is trying to wriggle out his responsibilities.
Why play all these games,I am sure he gets off on tying me in knots and after 24 years he knows just what to do to make me in a state.
I have told him now not to text and phone me,we obviously can't speak together anymore so whats the point.. but again he has text me twice today, trying to make me feel sorry for him because he has mild health problems.I have heart disease and I don't play the sympathy card to him..try trying to live a normal life when you have cardiomyopathy and knowing at any time your heart can fail...I just want him to leave me alone, pay what the kids are entitled to, let us sell the house and I can move on,the further away from the loser I married the better.
Our court date is July 15th.Roll on.Then we may get some kind of closure and the finances sorted out so we both know where we stand .
I just feel so sad and so lonely and so let down,I know I deserve better than him and its only my children that I am hanging on here for.Surely at 46 I am not over the hill, and there has to be more fun times ahead of me?I certainly hope so.
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Donnylass
said:
| May 01, 2008 | ||
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You don't sound pathetic. You were nearer the mark in your final comment-sad, lonely and let down. Try not to be so hard on your self. I'm 49 and don't intend to be over the hill, as for fun times, I DEFINITELY hope so. The present is quite dire, the past was even worse, so the future HAS to be better. I'm hoping positive thoughts bring more positive times. Chin up  |
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denmanra
said:
| May 01, 2008 | ||
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pathetic is something your not, your a better person than you give yourself credit for, try not to feel sad and see this period as a period of foundation and growth, a foundation for a better future and growth of the stregnth you do have to deal with this, you will have weak momments, we all do, but every weak momment adds to that tower of stregnth to deal with things. These people are controllers, you will learn not to be controlled, and at the end you will wonder why the hell you even spent time worrying about him or leting him get to you, be strong and be happy take care ricky |
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alan670
said:
| May 01, 2008 | ||
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I know it sounds easy to say but do try and ignore his antics. As you say he knows which buttons to press. Keep looking forward. |
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marriaa
said:
| May 02, 2008 | ||
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I hope that now you have let your feelsing out you feel a bit better.Do not be the shoulder for him to lean on,he is not your problem anymore,ignore his text .He is only trying to mess up with your mind,I have been there and you are vulnerable it does not take much.Look after yourself,it does get easier |
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townie
said:
| May 03, 2008 | ||
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thanks everyone.. good advice as ever from my wikie pals..had a better day today.. now I get to spend a whole weekend with my lovely son (what more do I need to cheer me up) and daughter... plus the bonus bank holiday of course.. spent a nice evening cardmaking tonight.. (wonder if I should start making 'celebrate your divorce' cards??) Looking forward now.. whats done is done and its high time I stopped letting him get to me.Remind meI said this next time he does it again..will you?! |
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