Feelings

Posted by gorgeous in Untagged

Want to say lots but dont know were to start so sorry if i ramble on ........... Today started like any other kids up breakie school bus etc. Got back home and felt strangely alone I wasnt workin today so thought id use the time to catch up on jobs ironing and all the stuff we mums (and dads sorry) have to do. Had lunch with a friend bit of shopping collected kids and took son to counselling. Suppose I realised that this is it for the next **** many years. Dont get me wrong i love my kids to bits but sometimes we need the comfort of another adult too.

I starting thinking about the things I miss suppose sadely - when the kids make me laugh or get a new reading book when they star in the play and like now when they are asleep and look so peaceful their is no one to share it with.

I will never trust another man again not with my kids nor my feelings. The barriers are up and they will not come down. Im protecting my children and myself I cant bear this pain.

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Tetleys said:

April 29, 2008
		Gorgeous, there are trustworthy men out there, don't let your bad experiences with your ex spoil your future. Look for people with a trusting nature and you will find trustworthy people. Sending a big hug all the best, Richard x

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IKNOWNOW said:

April 29, 2008
		Gorgeous, I know how you are hurting. I have had lots of tears today, you know why, you have shared my blog. I know about the loneliness, you would think having so many children in the house I should never be lonely but I feel so alone sometimes. I don't miss him, I know that, I don't miss anything he ever gave me because looking back I believe any affection he did show me was for his own gratification, never mine. The times near the end of my marriage that I spent crying when he was at work and the children were in bed, realising that I had to find a way out of my marriage, knowing that when I did it I was going to open myself up to so much more abuse. How do I know that, because I tried to walk 5 years previously but never quite mananged it. I have found another man, who cares about me and my children, although he has only met my youngest. I guess we are all different but I have to believe that most men are genuine and not abusive as I tend to get on better with men than I do women on a social level. I also feel that I need to show my children that you can have a loving relationship and a man can show a woman respect and love her for who she is. It is going to be hard, but I am honest about the abuse that I have suffered and infact he knows about previous abuse that I suffered with another partner too. Yes, this is not the first abusive relationship I have been in, but I got out of the last one, because it was physical and sexual abuse. Sorry, spilling my guts a bit here. You will move on in your own time Gorgeous, but until then you need to start building a life, a life that you want for you and the children.

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alan670 said:

April 29, 2008
		Gorgeous, I think we all feel that. certainly I am quite happy to be single again after all the heartache and misery. But never say never, things change and we are not all b.....ds. Use us for adult company for the time being. lol Alan

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gorgeous said:

April 29, 2008
		Never is just not worth it

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Donnylass said:

April 30, 2008
		I can identify with your feelings of missing being able to share the everyday things, and the physical closeness, but I am refusing to believe that I will never trust another man. It will take time , but I won't allow my stbx to rob me of the chance of future love and happiness. I will go with tetleys and Alan-I don't believe all men are b*****ds, just like I hope they realise not all women are. Ride the ups and downs-hopefully the ups will get more frequent.

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gareth67 said:

April 30, 2008
		Hi gorgeous, Do remember we are not all the same and that applies to male and female. I do feel like you at times that I don't want another full relationship for a long long time, but I'm never going to say never as you may turn the corner in the morning and find the person of you dreams and they are real. I think these times make most of us more protective of the things we value, the kids, the life, and don't forget you. You will have the good memories, the good times, don't let anyone take them away, but never say never. Take care Gareth