News in Sin City...

It seems as if many of the old faces have faded away and a whole mass of new ones have appeared. In most cases in the world that would be good...but sadly, we are all in some sort of horrible situation that was forced upon us in one way or another.

As for me, much has changed.

At a certain point where actually filing for divorce become imminent, the x2b reverted into wanting to give things another shot. She insisted that we give it a try and even promised to move from California to Las Vegas to make things work. We had discussed living separately, but seeing each other once in a while to see if we could patch things up.

I was aware that her new partner had planned a weekend visit here in Las Vegas to celebrate her 35th birthday. Not sure if I mentioned that he just turned 28 in February. I gave her every opportunity to admit that she had plans and made it clear to her that the best way to make an honest attempt at something positive happen between us would be to spend that evening together. She insisted over and over again that she was working and could not get that time off. When the day finally arrived, I confronted her about her location and made it clear that I had discovered her whereabouts. She lied to me about it being a surprise that she was unaware of. I had seen e-mails she sent to her np about where to dine and dance.

I had finally reached the epiphany of what I was facing. There was no future to be had. There was no guilt or remorse on her part. I cannot figure out for the life of me why she continues to drag things out and keep me lingering, but I decided to make a stand and do the only thing I can do to regain control of my life.

That night, I used a well reviewed online service to begin creating the necessary forms for an uncontested divorce in Nevada. For a grand total of $249 US, I had 90% of what I needed completed and off to her in an e-mail for review. I needed her to provide credit card account numbers and balances, and to agree on a few items such as visitation schedule and changing her last name back to her maiden name. Again she drug her feet for almost 2 weeks while I badgered her via e-mail and txt messaging until she finally provided the last info.

The forms are complete and being reviewed by a friend of mine who works in a legal office here. I will hopefully have her sign them and submit them to the court by the end of th week or early next week.

She continues to tell me that this is not what she wants, but she's never shown me anything otherwise. I can't continue to wait, hope, and suffer until she decides what she wants.

I have no idea what I'm feeling. I feel like the wolf who's foot is caught in the snare. Either lay there and die, or chew off your own foot and go on living. How horrible is it that I have to decide to do what I want least in the world just to rebuild my life and move on.

I love my wife. I miss her every minute of every day. I no longer shed tears over her though. I no longer lose my composure when speaking of her or my situation. But I don't speak negatively about her to others. I tell my son his Mommy loves him. We pray each night and always thank God for Mommy and all of the other things we have been blessed with. This coming from a man who does not subscribe to religion, nor has stepped foot in a church since I was 12, unless for a wedding ceremony.

So...I've come to that place. I have nothing left to look back at. I have to turn around and walk the other way. Find my new future. Live a fruitful life for the sake of me and my son.

I will be the primary custodian of my son. She will have the right to visit every other weekend and alternating year holidays. I have filed for no child support, no spousal support, and nothing material. I bought a new car and gave her my Volvo S60R. I have done everything to be as selfless as I possibly can. I want to look back on this one day, and be able to explain to my son that I never held any ill regard for his mother. I'm sure I'll be able to say I still love her in some way, years from now when he asks.

I guess that's about it. We'll see what tomorrow brings.

-Chris