I am a mess

Outwardly I am fine. I function well and put up an impressive front. I am not jumping for joy but I certainly look healthy calm and collected.

Inside I am not doing so well. I was so sure of myself a few weeks ago. I knew I had taken the right decision (to divorce) and I was just getting on, doing everything possible to move on.

I still believe it is the right decision. there is no way I can trust him again. And I will be in far less pain without him.

so why do i feel so empty inside
why am i such a

 I am still me.

Whether I am divorced or not. I am still me.

Even though my heart is broken and my spirit is crushed

I am still me

 

With all that I have done and all that has been done to me

I am still me

 

With all my faults and my failures

With all my achievements and my successes

I am still me

 

No one can change that

No one can take away the little girl that needs to love and be loved

No one can cast aside the mature woman that needs to be cherished

No one can make my future but me

 

One day, I am going to look back and say to myself "Wow that was a tough ride, but I came through it in the end".

One day

 

I can't sleep

I try. I go up and come down. I do some work, a load of laundry here, work on an article there. Then go up again. Still can't sleep.

I go up once more, kiss the kids in their sleep, once more, and try to sleep. Still can't sleep, so I come down again, and go out into the garden... I pace up and down, right to left, come in and try to sleep, but still can't sleep.

Finally I decide this is it. I must rest. I must lie down. I have to be up early to get the children to school and to work. So I lie in bed, and start reciting my positive mantra. I think to myself ‘don't think negative