Every day I decide I must pull myself together and reclaim the person I used to be

And every day I realise that another day has passed and I am still here. Hiding from my friends. Hiding under the blanket. Don't want to see anyone. Don't want anyone to see me.

 I try to conivnce myself that it's ok to be like this for another day. But the days run into weeks and I am petrified that this will become the new me.

I can't sink again. I just can't. 

How much longer this pain. This anguish. Will it ever

I have that sinking feeling again

I have'nt felt like this for a long while

I want to say it isn't depression. I want to say it isn't uncertainty. I want to say lots of things but I am not sure where the truth lies.

I need not to sink. The last time this happened I sank very slowly, and woke up a couple of years later to realize that i was already sunk but han't noticed till it was too late. No one noticed till it was too late.

This time I recognise the symptoms. I need not to let myself sink. and I don't know what to do to stop it.

I realise it needs some action on my part. But I cannot see me

There was a time when I felt on top of it all.

A few weeks ago, I felt I owned my life. I worked, I took care of the house and the children. I was on the way to a fantastic career doing what I love to do.

 I have lost that feeling.

 I no longer feel on top. If anything I feel low, and have felt low for a while. It is gradual. First, I began to sleep badly, then I began to eat badly, then I started wearing my old drab clothes. I stopped wearing lipstick and today I realised that I haven't worn perfume this week. 

I'd convinced myself that it was a temporary lapse and I will pick up again. But I