I have that sinking feeling again

I have'nt felt like this for a long while

I want to say it isn't depression. I want to say it isn't uncertainty. I want to say lots of things but I am not sure where the truth lies.

I need not to sink. The last time this happened I sank very slowly, and woke up a couple of years later to realize that i was already sunk but han't noticed till it was too late. No one noticed till it was too late.

This time I recognise the symptoms. I need not to let myself sink. and I don't know what to do to stop it.

I realise it needs some action on my part. But I cannot see me

There was a time when I felt on top of it all.

A few weeks ago, I felt I owned my life. I worked, I took care of the house and the children. I was on the way to a fantastic career doing what I love to do.

 I have lost that feeling.

 I no longer feel on top. If anything I feel low, and have felt low for a while. It is gradual. First, I began to sleep badly, then I began to eat badly, then I started wearing my old drab clothes. I stopped wearing lipstick and today I realised that I haven't worn perfume this week. 

I'd convinced myself that it was a temporary lapse and I will pick up again. But I

I am a mess

Outwardly I am fine. I function well and put up an impressive front. I am not jumping for joy but I certainly look healthy calm and collected.

Inside I am not doing so well. I was so sure of myself a few weeks ago. I knew I had taken the right decision (to divorce) and I was just getting on, doing everything possible to move on.

I still believe it is the right decision. there is no way I can trust him again. And I will be in far less pain without him.

so why do i feel so empty inside
why am i such a