I've been trying to understand what I am going through

I have failed.

I don't understand what's happening to me.

I am aware that adultery, betrayal and the end of love and end of marriage are all causes of great sadness.

I am not in despair. I know I will be ok. But I also know that this is very hard to get over. If and when I do get over it, the pain will have subsided but I will have lost the energy and the will to love again. It is very sad I know.

I am aware that I have failed. Miserably

I failed to keep my family together. I failed to keep him by my side. I failed to protect the children

Once again I  find myself blogging sadness and frustration.

Bad day follows bad night follows bad day follows bad night....

This is my 8th week of this - this mood of dread, trepidation, loneliness, sadness, frustration and melancholy.    Yes, melancholy (couldn't find a better word!)  

ughhhhhhh

This started after the summer break. Before the break, I was so happy, I was glowing. At least once a day someone would comment how I have reclaimed myself as the vibrant person I used to be. A song made me elated. A nice sentiment made me giddy. Was that a symptom of disguised depression?

Within a few

There are all sorts of bad guys

there's the bad guy who is violent and abusive

there's the bad guy who puts you down all the time

there's the bad guy who lends no support

there's the bad guy who is not dedicated to his family

there's the bad guy who lies and cheats

there's the bad guy who walks out on his family

there are all sorts of bad guys

which one is mine?

Mine is the sort that had a long term affair but refuses to admit guilt. He is the kind that blames me for his actions and his choices. He is the kind that thinks that throughout the years of neglect, and put downs, and cheating and lying,