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Feb 08
2012
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Feeling a little melancholy today. I have a job interview on Friday and then a second date with the nice lady I met for coffee on Saturday so lots to look forward to. My ex is making noises like I should try to win her back but I do not really feel like it. She told me in one of her drunken yelling episodes months ago that she always felt like she had to be drunk to make love to me. Nice. So when I put it down on paper I don't really think about winning her back. A part of me feels like I should though. Try to have the best marriage possible to keep the family in tact. I hear lots of people think about that. Oh well. I am excited about the date on Saturday. I know it's too early for me but I have been honest with her about where I am so we'll see. I am not looking for anything really. I just want to have some more fun in my life.
Comments (11)
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Young again
said:
| February 09, 2012 | ||
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Canuck, Be honest with yourself and with others. Everything else will follow. Good Luck! YA |
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Patrick1968
said:
| February 09, 2012 | ||
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Dude I'd say tread carefully but I've said that already. So go forward and enjoy. Your ex is all about 'me me me me'isn't she? My ex towards the end would need to get sh7t faced before sex but that had more to do with how she felt about herself and not my fantastic-tantric-lurvve-making technique  , or so I keep telling myself. She sounds as though she's getting more desperate so stand-by for more unreasonable demands that will slow the divorce. |
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pixy
said:
| February 09, 2012 | ||
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Funny, my ex thought it was up to me to win him back, too. Well, actually not funny at all, just pathetic. Be careful about your new lady and rebound sex/relationship, but don't let your ex offload her guilt onto you. If she really wanted to mend the marriage she'd not be saying such stupid things. | |
freefalling
said:
| February 09, 2012 | ||
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I'm playing the devil's advocate. Why should you be making the effort to chase her and win her back? What did she do when you needed her most? Will she change and is she worth risking your heart, emotional and physical well being all over again? You're on the road to recovery, is it worth going through all this pain and suffering again if it doesn't work out? Can your children take another separation? It isn't easy, I know. I wish I had thought more with my head than my heart when I gave my stbx a second chance. I am now going through exactly the same emotions I experienced a year ago. Tread carefully. Our hearts always play havoc with our minds. P.S. Have a ball on your second date  What colour shirt this time? |
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caz2011
said:
| February 09, 2012 | ||
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well you doing every think right in my eyes having some you time and being honest to your date so enjoy it. As for ex well you know deep down what you want and what a hurtful thing to say has to be drunk and she expects you to do the mending sorry stick to your date have fun chill and relax and good luck fot the interview xx | |
ascatfish
said:
| February 09, 2012 | ||
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Canuck if it helps Im sure my stbx wants me to try and win him back as well and half of his impotent rages are cos I haven't.. well tough. He LEFT ME, he wants me back he can do the crawling not the other way - and the same for your ex. if she wants you back after her betrayal SHE can make the effort and do the winning - not saying either of them would stand a chance but the effort is theirs to make - not ours |
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Dazed
said:
| February 09, 2012 | ||
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Hi Canuck, I am always amazed and angry when I read that the cheating ex's expect the betrayed party to try to win them back. Mine did exactly the same & I was completely speechless. Hang on - they did the cheating after all. I kind of think that if you've done wrong then it's up to you to put it right or at the very least make the first step, so I guess by not offering to put things right, they really don't think they have done wrong. Bottom line, it's all about them. I know it's hard & you wonder if you should forego your gut feeling in order to try to save the marriage. My opinion is that it takes two to save a marriage & anyway, if one went off with someone else they obviously didn't value the marriage enough to begin with. I think my ex, like a number here, was surprised when I didn't fall gratefully back into his arms. Believe me, there were times when I wanted to - but this was when I was scared, alone, vulnerable & I truly missed the marriage unit we had. Now, it's different (still hurts though from time to time) - but you have to value yourself & realise they chances are, history will repeat itself if you go back there. Dazed x |
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dormouse
said:
| February 09, 2012 | ||
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Life is not a dress rehearsal. You deserve to be happy and I don't think anyone should be insulted like this. Good luck, Sara x |
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Mitchum
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| February 09, 2012 | ||
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Don't look back unless you really, truly want to go back. Keep your eyes firmly on the future. The new job and new friends are where you seem to want to go BUT - your children are back with your old life. But you couldn't go back to the life you left; there's too much hurt there for you; something would have to change drastically for you to be happy. It seems to me the only way forward together as a family again requires a quantum leap of faith. Only you can decide whether the future you could have seems better than returning to the old. |
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jjones123
said:
| February 09, 2012 | ||
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What is it with these ex's and the insane things they say?!! I have recollection of my ex saying to me after saying some particularly nasty things, 'ah, well, you know what I'm like...' So, that makes it okay, right? Of course it doesn't. The chances are that your wife won't remember saying the stuff that she said but that doesn't change things. As for the date, I hope it goes well, but just as everyone else says, do be gentle with yourself. I dated very early and a whole lot of horrible feelings came with it, but I got through them, and I think, for me, it sped up my healing. |
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