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Feb 03
2012
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My thoughts are making me angry again. I never got angry growing up, never let it out. When I married, I gave up lots of things to "compromise". I gave up material things, pedicures and holidays, haircuts, shopping, eating out, I never went to galleries or museums cos he didnt like them & refused to go with me, then insulted me if I went by myself, never had coffee (I love coffee), never ate foods he didn't like as he would say that was selfish he couldnt have any of mine, only bought cheap clothes, only for WORK & never from the high street (too expensive!!! He would shriek). Gave up all that made ME, ME. I told myself I was too materialistic. Didn't have a honeymoon cos he spent money on himself. He gave up nothing, lied to get his way, colluded w mummy so he always had secret cash, insulted me when I asked for help ("I can't believe I married someone that needs HELP all the time, youre just SO NEEDY. If I would have known that before we got married it would have been a deal breaker"). Now he is gone & I think - I AM ANGRY. How could anyone who "loved" me ask me to give up so much? That's not love, that is control. How could he go on spending behind my back, lying, not helping? Not buying groceries in EIGHT years? Never cleaning the bathroom even ONCE? Insulting me when I was tired, saying it wasn't cos I was doing so much, working 60hr weeks, it's cos I was old. Everytime I wonder how he is, or I read someone saying they want their past back, I get a little sad. Then I think of the "real" past that was MINE which was filled with self doubt and me trying, trying. Now he is trying to bully me with Sol's letters and I think - why is HE angry? He lost NOTHING. Always had a back up plan & was waiting for the moment where he felt he could take that "chance". I lost MYSELF. He doesnt call to ask how Im doing in the snow, doesnt call to ask me if I'm warm, how is the ulcer, try to be civil. He did nothing for love & I can't believe I thought he loved me. That was never love.
Comments (7)
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ascatfish
said:
| February 04, 2012 | ||
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I agree totally Patti. i thnk my Ex was and is also incapable of love but he does an impression of it which lures you in for a while till you realise how utterly selfish they are and then its too late, because you are committed and its hard to disentangle yourself emotionally, socially, financially, historically, whatever. remember what the past was - because love makes you forget again - ive found blogging when i remember helps me fix the anger xx | |
Mitchum
said:
| February 04, 2012 | ||
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((((((Patti))))))) Patti, you gave up so so much and now you want it back please! You want your life back, your self-esteem and you want YOU back. The woman you left everything for is waiting for you to come and claim her back. Go get her! Be that woman again because she's still there inside. Shake off the years with that man and emerge from the chrysalis you've been hiding in. You are going to be so fantastic. Wiki friends will cheer the day you finally fly again! xx |
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scaryclairie
said:
| February 04, 2012 | ||
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Patti - a couple of things (turned out to be 4) 1. Hugs 2. Isn't it scary looking for the real you. You peak round the door expecting the real you to say Boo! But actually that woman is clearly awesome and slowly she will come out from where you have been hiding her and rather than suppressing her you will embrace and encourage her and become one complete soul again. (Is it just me or is there a Hallelujah!! required here?) 3. He so didn't deserve you. I had a bullying sol letter today too. Not nice, but I looked at it and thought thank god I do not have to live with that controlling, suppressing bully for up to another 40 years (that would make me almost 90!). So it is not what we wanted, it is not what we have caused - see blog re Bel Mooney - but in the long run we may have had an escape - when we just get used to the idea. 4 More hugs - you deserve them. |
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flowerofscotland
said:
| February 04, 2012 | ||
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Patti.p, Hang on in there, it won't be long....you will find yourself again, but it will be a stronger 'you' than the one before. We sacrifice so much just to make married life easy, or at least we think we do, what we do not realise, is that if it had not been us it would have been somebody else. Unfortunately we they saw us coming long before we ever realised. Try to think of you now, just you. All those little things that you did for him, your STBX, do them for you. Stay strong and take care for now FoS x |
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freefalling
said:
| February 05, 2012 | ||
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Hi Patti, You're wrong about him losing NOTHING. He lost it all when he gave up you! You don't deserve to live your life walking on egg shells. The beautiful woman that you were is still there. She's waiting for you to tell her it's O.K., to give her the go ahead to SHINE! Screw them all. I say good riddance to bad rubbish! The best revenge on our ex's is to lead a full and HAPPY life. WE CAN DO IT!!!!! Take carexxx |
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