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Jan 31
2012
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just coming out of a down spike emotionally. its always triggered by monthly hormones which seem to wash my head full of memories. just the turn of his head. trips out. Holidays. Him in the house are usually full of memories of his temper and bad black moods but we had such great times out and about. I miss that. i miss being stuck in and I miss not being able to go to all the places I want to go to. I had discussed going to Camp bestival with him 2 years ago - we decided not to go that year as i would be 8 months pregnant but we had mentally planned it in for the future - then he left. can I manage a weekend festival with camping and 4 young boys..... probably not. The thought of it is exhausting. So its something else put on the back burner till I meet someone else or the kids are older. its depressing. My life out of my own control. I can only wait. i don't like being out of control..
Last night I cried and cried and cried wanting him back. But I don't want him back. i want my PAST back. That is different. its just hormones. Im so glad that I keep him at arms length the rest of the time so when the hormones hit he doesnt come sniffing when i am weak. it keeps me safe. I just want it all to go away. I want my new future. this feels like Limbo somehow.
Comments (18)
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freefalling
said:
| February 01, 2012 | ||
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I have started using this strategy when I find that I am missing him or thinking about the past. I go to my mobile phone, bring up the texts that he texted to OW which force me to see things more clearly. It's better to be on my own than to be with someone who doesn't love me the way that I DESERVE to be loved. I also agree with the hormones messing with your emotions. It is exhausting but we have to believe in our own self worth and not let them hurt us anymore than they already have. Take carex | |
scaryclairie
said:
| February 01, 2012 | ||
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I'm also struggling. I want my lovely family back. i have seem my daughter once in over a year why she lives with her lovely new 'step mother'. I had a lovely family. Now my son and I just try to live through the grief and I try to support him trying to do exams while dealing with health issues and grief. My ex says I am making things worse - but I am desperately trying not to - he had affair not me - I can hear myself shouting like a banshee - but I am so hurt - I am so hurt by him and I am so hurt be my daughter. Sorry didn't meant to take over your post. I am sorry you are struggling. So much pain is caused be cheaters. How the hell do we survive? (I'm not sure if I'm hormonal too!) Let's hope the new women they have taken up with are very hormonal etc....in face psychotic would be good! | |
Mitchum
said:
| February 01, 2012 | ||
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(((((ascatfish))))), ride the waves of your emotions; cry when you have to but the down times do pass and you do pull out of them quicker in time. Hope you're feeling better already. I've just been in the garden to burn papers I didn't want my daughter to find and deal with. I thought burning them would help to put the past to rest then I would dig the ashes into the soil. I got covered in smoke, my hair and clothes reek, I'm absolutely frozen, I caught sight of his name and mine together; I saw his list of what he wanted from our former home. I cried. The ground is frozen solid. I called myself all the fools under the sun. The heat from the fire thawed the soil enough to dig in the ash. Hot coffee and toast later I feel better. I've buried some of the past literally today. ((((((((((The biggest hug for being a great Mum.))))))))))) |
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Patrick1968
said:
| February 01, 2012 | ||
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If you find a way of getting the past back mail me and I'll come back with you. You could try and see what support groups are out there...it maybe you could get a group together and go mob handed..or do a camping rehersal in the back garden to see how you fair ! | |
ascatfish
said:
| February 01, 2012 | ||
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Right Patrick you will be my Time travelling Buddy  have discovered probably while I was writing that the OW was probably having her caesarian. is it possible to get any lower? |
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scaryclairie
said:
| February 01, 2012 | ||
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oh ascatfish - I am sorry - take care - hang on - it WILL get better - that's it some days - just HANG ON. Take very good care of yourself. | |
ascatfish
said:
| February 01, 2012 | ||
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Thanks scary i do really appreciate everyone here. Opened my email to find one from my solicitor about sorting out the divorce which I could really have preferred not to have today. Oh well :/ |
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patti.p
said:
| February 01, 2012 | ||
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Asca, Im so sad you are having a bad day ((((hugs))))). I know nothing I will say will make it better, and it wont bring the past back, BUT... You have kids that love you, friends that support you, and this new life you have started will be better. Maybe not soon, but you are getting there little by little, one small purple colored appliance at a time! He may have been wonderful on trips, but a wonderful man doesnt do what he did, doesnt keep treating you as he has. You have been so supportive of me and with so many others, please, cry if you feel the need, but don't ever forget that YOU ARE WORTH SO MUCH MORE THAN WHAT HE GAVE YOU. I think we can all say that we want the past back, but ... was it that good? I can long for my past as much as the next person, but if I actually thought about it... it wasn't great. Hindsight is 20/20, but it's also harmful. You live in the here and now, you are strong, wise, and deserve 100%. Please don't dwell, he doesnt deserve that energy from you. You need that energy to do something nice for yourself xx And don't cry too much, WERE ALL HERE FOR YOU ASACT X |
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scaryclairie
said:
| February 01, 2012 | ||
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It is a well known fact that the 'gods of divorce' decree that if you are having a really s**tty day a letter or bill from the lawyer will arriveth! | |
Canuck425
said:
| February 02, 2012 | ||
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Ah yes, Limbo. I know it well. I think we have to be in limbo for some time to get through to the other side. I am so looking forward to the other side. I think it will be great. I just have no idea how long it will take me to get there. Be patient. Someone told me once to even be patient with my impatience... | |
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