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Jan 31
2012
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ok, so just yell if you're sick of reading about my ongoing saga. It does help me to write it down and then reread my thoughts as well as your comments. My wife told me today that she is indeed talking with her lover again. I don't check phone records any more because I simply don't care. I asked her what she is doing and all she could say is I don't know. I can hear Patrick yelling at me "arrrrrghhh, divorce her ass now!!!". I will Patrick but I promised to give myself some time and I am going to take it. Also, the kids are doing ok in this current situation and I want to move slowly. I have no doubt she's not worth it. She's not worth any effort at all. I know that without any question. She said tonight "I really didn't want to hurt you". So I laughed and asked her why she did things while I was in radiation that she knew would hurt me. The things she did affected me emotionally and took a physical toll on me while I was in cancer treatment. She could have stalled the affair by six months. She could have said to her lover "I cannot do this now, please wait six months". I asked her why she didn't do that and she said "I guess I wasn't strong enough". So, she put her needs ahead of mine at a time when I was at my absolute lowest. I can get to forgiveness on this. Actually I am pretty close. I know she did her best but her best just wasn't good enough - not even close. I don't want her back and she doesn't want to come back so we're good on that one.
Comments (7)
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ascatfish
said:
| February 01, 2012 | ||
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Hugs Canuck. Just remember your emotions go in cycles - but remember how you feel right now. You are starting to get angry about her behaviour and thats great - its part of the healing, and usually follows the shock . I wait Patrick's inciteful comments too x | |
Patrick1968
said:
| February 01, 2012 | ||
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You ex is a) bereft of any feeling to you b)devoid of anything near integrity c) is self centred and d) spiteful.... Does she really need to tell you about how great her f8cking social life is. Dude she DID NOT TRY HER BEST....forgiving her at this juncture is like saying 'its OK hun'...screw me and the kids..we are all happy if your happy...and mate this is not the end game. How forgiving will you be when she tries and moves the kids and you can bet that when you meet someone she will sh8t a brick. Your war is not over, in fact its probably on just starting. Also is that you in the profile picture? |
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Mitchum
said:
| February 01, 2012 | ||
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Guess what? This selfish woman is getting real pleasure out of hurting you as much as possible. I know you have to keep the channels open because of the children, but do not listen to any more of this personal stuff about her affair. Tell her it's of no interest to you whatsoever. She's getting real pleasure from telling you all this. Don't let her. Had she had any sensitivity towards you at all, she may still have left but she would have waited until you were in remission at least. She meant to hurt and she succeeded. We talk a lot on wiki about how can those who cheat sleep at night and she should remain sleepless in Seattle for a very long time. No conscience; no finer feelings; no morals; no you. You've proved you're bigger than all of this. |
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biffy
said:
| February 01, 2012 | ||
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so sorry to hear of your situation, indeed she does sound very unfeeling but I'm sure she does have feelings but they are quite selfish even though she is saying she cares which I don't doubt but she is as you say putting herself first, us humans can be very selfish, it's a a pity she couldnt have put her affair on hold but life isn't like that and you sound as though you are strong and coping well, I applaud you for your attitude of forgiving her it makes you a better person and you can hold your head up. Glad to hear the children aren't too affected by this situation they really do have to be considered first and foremost. don't worry about anyone's feelings of you blogging that's what this place is all about and you sound as though you are moving forward so well done you, there is happiness out there believe me. | |
Canuck425
said:
| February 01, 2012 | ||
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You're probably right that the war has just begun which explains to me why I am taking this time for some peace. I will continue to focus on myself first and then the kids and then work. Really that's all I have time for. No, that's not me in the profile picture. I wish that I would look that good in deep powder! We did just get 7" of new snow at my hill so skiing this weekend should be good. Something to look forward to for sure! |
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flowerofscotland
said:
| February 01, 2012 | ||
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Canuck425, I am glad to see that you are taking some 'me' thinking time, as well as time to focus on the children and your future. I still have a sick feeling every time I read your story. I am struggling to write down the words that I could scream at your STBX, I am, as we say, gobsmacked by her 'me, myself & I' attitude! I can see by your strength of character that you will not allow her to call the shots or try to destroy you anymore. One day she will awaken from her selfish slumber to realise that this grass is no longer as green and as bright as she thought, but a muddy shade of s7ite!!! I think that narcissism affects so many inwardly looking individuals and let me tell you Canuck425, you are so much better off out of it! Think of NO 1 and your children, you are all that matters now. Wishing you good health! Take care for now FoS x |
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Canuck425
said:
| February 02, 2012 | ||
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I used to be sure she would wake up one day and be sorry. I'm a pretty great guy. But now I'm not so sure she'll wake up in that way. I'm also not sure I care. | |
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