|
Jan 30
2012
|
 |
Her latest line to me was that she does not consider that she had an affair at all. To her she had left the marriage so it cannot be classified as an affair. Also, she was brutally honest all the way through, no cheating or lying for her. She gave me play by play all the way through. I got to watch her fall in love with someone else, and hear all about it, all while battling cancer and feeling the affects of radiation. In her defense she has been so unhappy for so long that something had to pop. I guess me getting cancer at 42 was the catalyst that made her turn to someone else. She told me stragiht out that she couldn't support me through the cancer. Like I said, she is brutally honest. When I was going through those early days of marriage implosion that are so bad I was also recovering from surgery and then going to radiation every day for six weeks. Some days were so bad I could not get out of bed and she was on the phone with her boyfriend every day for hours. It was awful. She's also a drinker and there were some awful shouting matches where the blame was hurled at me. "I hate, hate, hate you. It's all your fault. You made me do this." Blah, blah, blah. One time she was driving me to radiation and started yelling at me. I got out of the car at a stoplight and just started walking. It was awful. So, things are settling now. We're getting used to separation and working hard to be friendly (it's better than yelling). I guess I had to write down some of that stuff just to remember not only how she abandoned me during cancer treatment but really abused me as well. Right now, I feel sorry for her. She's a mess. Me, I'll be fine. Actually, I'll be awesome - I guarantee it! So wiki community - did she have an affair (remember there was no lying, no deception at all) & does it really matter?
Comments (10)
Show/Hide comments
Young again
said:
| January 31, 2012 | ||
 |
Hi (((((Canuck425))))), Marriage is made by two and can be severed by one both legally and emotionally. By telling you all about her dalliances with another she feels she hasn't deceived you and because in her mind an affair is a deception she hasn't had an affair. Your wife feels nothing for you and yet she doesn't wish to deceive you? I don't think so. She told you so that she wouldn't feel any guilt. It's all about her and nothing about you. She has stamped all over your emotions and rubbed your nose in one extra-marital relationship. This is what happens when a spouse has an affair. You are experiencing all the consequences of an affair as she has been having the experience of an affair. Yes, it is an affair all right. Does it matter? No. What matters is that your wife feels so little for you that the two of you may as well not be married. In that context an affair is irrelevant. She has lost her latest love? That too is irrelevant to you, or should be. If you still feel something for her, feel pity, not love because I have read nothing to indicate that there is anything worth loving within that woman. Good luck and may every day bring you new strength! YA |
|
carlykav
said:
| January 31, 2012 | ||
 |
Definition: Adultery is sexual intercourse or emotional bonding between a married person and a third party. Yes she had an affair. Was it OK becuase she told you? No. When you needed her the most, when she should have been supporting you with every breath she took - she couldn't cope! And she just had to share it all! You deserve more than that. Take care Canuck! |
|
ascatfish
said:
| January 31, 2012 | ||
 |
Did she have a relationship while legally married outside of the marriage? YES Does that relationship qualify as adultery? YES is it an affair: DAMN STRAIGHT. She's talking out of her backside trying to justify her actions cos she doesn't want to be the "bad guy" . Well she IS. She needs to get over herself and own up to the fact she is not a nice person. And you are. x |
|
pixy
said:
| January 31, 2012 | ||
 |
Clearly she doesn't live in Seattle at all but on a back street somewhere in Cloud Cuckoo Land. | |
Patrick1968
said:
| January 31, 2012 | ||
 |
She hasn't fallen in love has she ? She DID have an affair. Do you think that IF you didn't get cancer she woudn't have 'left the marriage' She is NOT brutally honest. Its her truth to suit her..arrrrrgghhhhhhhhh Don't feel sorry for HER feel sorry for YOU. And yes it does matter because mate if her fantasy world implodes she'll come running back to the safety net that is you. Until the next time. And yes she is a liar..aarrgggggggghhhhhhhh |
|
Mitchum
said:
| January 31, 2012 | ||
|
She left the marriage and she left you to get along as best you could, coping with two of the most stressful situations imaginable. That was cruel. You would help a stranger in such distress. Now it's all fallen apart for her and as you say, she's a mess. Good idea to write down all your thoughts. Something has happened to my ex which could mean major life changes for him. At first I hoped he felt some of the fear I felt when facing a future very much alone and afraid. Now I pity him. However, I have a list of the arrogant incidents just to remind me of why there's no going back. I will always love the man he used to be, but I cannot love the man he became. We have to leave them to cope as best they can without us and move on. You will get through that snowdrift, just keep ploughing! |
|
jjones123
said:
| January 31, 2012 | ||
 |
The 'other side' always seem to come up with weird and off the wall explanations to justify their own actions. It is still about THEM, and not about us. By saying, 'actually, it isn't an affair' makes themselves feel better about the wrong that they have caused. It's total nonsense. In the end, they might choose to believe such a crazy explanation, and more fool them. But you (and us) know better: its total nonsense, and it also sounds like it's a bit manipulative too. Let's face it: you wouldn't treat your worst enemy in the way that your ex has treated you. That's what she is: the enemy. You've not made her this if you think in these terms, she has done this to herself. Best, JJ |
|
scaryclairie
said:
| January 31, 2012 | ||
 |
Whether she had an affair or not is hardly the point (in a way) -she sure as hell wasn't in the marriage. | |
freefalling
said:
| February 01, 2012 | ||
 |
I think the affair pales in comparison to her lack of compassion during your illness. Very selfish behaviour, very self centred just like my stbx. She's in denial and cannot accept any accountability so she justifies this by saying it's not an affair because you knew about it. She gave of herself to another emotionally, physically or both whilst she was committed to you. You either cheated or you didn't. It's like saying "I'm a little bit pregnant" You either are or you're not!!!! P.S. I'm glad you got through that awful experience. |
|
Write comment
Show/Hide comment formYou must be logged in to a comment. Please register if you do not have an account yet.
