Happy Birthday Son!

We had a tradition in our house that your birthday celebration started the night before your birthday, especially those special ones, 10th, 13th, 16th, 18th, 21st, 30, 40, 50 – you know the ones! Tomorrow son will be 18. He wouldn’t open card or present (he knows it’s a laptop) as he thinks this is all he will get! Daughter says she’s buying him something Saturday when we are in Brum. I asked why? “Don’t think I’m getting anything from Dad. He promised me cash, and I wanted to buy an easel. He’s gone off now and probably won’t be back, so I really think he doesn’t care! I want to text to ask, but that feels too cheeky! I told him you’d got me a laptop and that we wouldn’t be around Friday ……….” Heart broken, mine and his! The easel is £40.00 from Hobby Craft! You know what, I might just sneak off there tomorrow morning and get it for him! H told him last year the two of them would go abroad for a few days. That changed to money for Christmas and Birthday – he got £50 for Christmas from him, so he may still get some money, but usually if he’s gone off to OW on a Thursday, he doesn’t come back until Sunday! Sometimes I wish my kids were much younger, then just maybe the “special days” in their lives would mean so much more to him and he might actually spend some time with them. He makes no effort to speak to them; they always have to do the chasing! Since his announcement and move to the annex in September he has abdicated all parental responsibility. He pays 50% mortgage (in cash), though I’ve had to change that to my account and 50% of utilities by payment card. Son’s college costs so far have been £500 since September so son does not feel he dare ask me for anything else as we are now into Uni Interviews and he needs me to take him. (And I know because ………. son has been keeping a tally of everything he asks me to pay for – not sure why, although he has laughed that he will pay me back when he’s earning!) Writing this makes me feel so sad as it makes me sound like a money grabbing monster! That really couldn’t be further from the truth. In the two years prior to our separation I was paying all the bills – transferring my salary to his personal & business accounts to keep a roof over our head, paying for his van and his loans as well as putting food on the table and keeping his books balanced! Had to do the same five years prior to that and 11 years back support and keep the family’s head above water when he was drifting in and out of work. Books have gone now as I’d had enough! His business, his problem. Strange thing, he hasn’t asked for an explanation or support to do them! Strange thing number 2, I was probably paying to support his affair, correction, I was, when he took my car & used my petrol and had 2 weekends way on the pretence of a stag do and a wedding, but I wasn’t invited! Some of the stress related to mortgage and bills too has also dissipated, as he now coughs up half so really I am better off! OK talked myself into it – Hobby Craft here I come! Happy Birthday Son – hope the laptop really is what you need, you also enjoy night in hotel and meal in Brum and I know you will make use of the easel – I saw you trying to balance a canvass on a stool against the window – bet you didn’t think I was watching!