Frustrated....

Dear Blog, Here again after an absence of many months feeling the need to have yet another outburst! After some months of bumbling along, trying my best to get on with things and desperately trying to forget the ex, our paths look like crossing again and, whilst I don't like saying it, it won't be an enjoyable experience. My difficulties have continued with my disabled daughter to the point that things have escalated to various meetings with 'the professionals' (without a full resume, my autistic daughter will not attend school nevermind leave the house). I have got quite accustomed to this and have developed various mechanisms to 'embrace' any assistance that is tendered by the experts. Unfortunately, I will shortly have to attend a formal meeting with the ex and the prospect leaves me with dread in that I am concerned how I will react to the ex. I have not spoken to the ex since last June when she came back to my house (bags packed) asking if she could stay a few nights. After a number of hours, she became hysterical crying about how much she loved her 'White Van Man'. Too much for me to take I am afraid, and I asked her parents to come and collect her. That was the last time I spoke to her. She has continued to see our daughter every weekday for an hour or so after work (I have agreed to keep away and so I work later barring myself from my own home!) No contact over Christmas but being the reasonable guy I am, I again bought presents for my children to give to their Mother. Mother now lives in a flat with regular 'visits' from WVM. Deposit for the flat was paid for by her parents - she hadn't spoken to them for months despite their attempts to do so and only contacted them when she needed the money! Now, I have tried to get on with things. I've not contacted the STBX even though I have needed to discuss matters concerning our daughter - I knew that such contact would not be welcome and to be honest, I don't need the grief. I have been content with trying to get on with my life, securing new employment and doing the best I can. Unfortunately, our 'paths' were due to cross at a meeting at our daughters school two weeks ago and I must tell you that to say I was nervous at meeting the ex (somebody I had loved for 22 plus years) was an understatement. I felt ill. I shouldn't have worried - she didn't turn up! Whilst, I won't go into details, the professionals at the meeting felt that my daughter could be suffering from separation anxiety and asked me if I would be willing to show a 'united front' with the ex for the sake of our daughter. I explained the lack of contact etc but said it was time to move on and I was prepared to do whatever was needed in the interests of our daughter. Last Friday, a meeting took place between a number of the professionals my Ex and my eldest daughter. My eldest daughter reported back to me what the ex said. She will be attending the next meeting but she told the professionals that she 'doesn't get on with me' and that she didn't want to 'talk to me'. When I pressed my adult daughter she told me that not only did the stbx not want to talk to me but she never wanted to talk to me again! Now I know that I shouldn't give two hoots about this but I had hoped that over time we could get to a stage where we could have amicable conversations about our daughter rather than messages being passed on via our adult daughters (this isn't fair on them) I have not interfered in anyway with the ex's new life and have always afforded her the facilities to see our daughter whenever she wanted however inconvenient to me. I have never sought a penny from her in respect of our daughter. I let our little girl spend her first night with her mother a couple of weeks ago - mum hadn't offered prior to then on the simple proviso that she could go as long as her mother left me a note of the address which she did (it transpired that she gave a false address because she doesn't want me going round there - I didn't have that option when WVM was coming round here did I?) In short, I feel frustrated and angry at the way even now the ex treats me - she treats me like I have never existed and worthless even though I can obviously be trusted to look after our daughter. I hope I am wrong but at the next meeting there is a real danger that I may respond to the ex in a very very un-gentlemanlike manner should she make any pious comment or indeed any comment. Why do I feel like this? I suppose I yearn an amicable closure to all this grief. Other parents in this situation manage to be amicable - why can't she. My adult daughter says that her mother feels shame and finds it difficult to face me. I think it's more about her being bloody minded and playing the 'victim' that I hear many people who commit adultery like to do. So that's that - rant over! Hope everybody is well Take care x