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Jan 20
2012
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Ive tried to keep this as short as possible (Didn't work)
following on from my earlier blog I did text her to tell her not to bother coming over
for my birthday because I only wanted people who I loved and trusted around me on that day,
anyway she still turned up she told me she has got herself an apartment
and would be moving in over this weekend, I tried to talk about the money situation etc.
but she basically just swept that away saying me and my son will be OK for a few months!!
I couldn’t help but raise my voice at one point when she was pretending to be "happy families"
again I just couldn’t keep up the charade. I am now realising that she does not care about anything
other than herself and believes everybody else (especially me) is to blame. Each visit now
seems to coincide with another issue about me!! so far its been
1 You are a control freak, if you think that asking where you going to, who with and what time you
coming home is controlling!! well then yes I am.
2 You never loved me you only wanted me as your possesion, well sorry for owning (I mean loving)
you too much.
3 You are violent, So protecting myself by holding your wrists before you hit and try to scratch
my eyes out is violent, well knock me down now with a feather.
4 You put us in this financial situation, so giving her every penny I have ever earned since 1977 (18yrs old)
till now, and have never been short of anything! plus she has had total control of all finances makes
me an idiot with money well don’t ever lend me a fiver.
5 You cant earn as much as you used to, well you realise darling I was told last summer by the
spinal specialist that I wont be working again "ever" and they have classed me as disabled.
sorry for allowing them to operate on me in the first place.
6 You are like Victor Meldew, OK she got me on that one but who doesn’t moan at sky news!!
today I had an estate agent round to take some photographs!! it's breaking my heart to see everything
we had worked for in our life's about to go for a ridiculous price just because she feels the way she does,
and at the same time she is setting out on her new life and new home without a care or a thought of who she
is hurting and what she has destroyed in the process.
What I would like to know if anyone has experienced what also happened on my birthday!
I said I would like to go ahead with a divorce as I am leaving the country heading back to the UK and it
would save a lot of messing around in the future.
Her reply, I don’t want a divorce yet its to final and we might reconcile later on!! I've tried to tell her
there wont be any going back for me, but it don’t seem to sink in.
oh yes bye the way this is when she now has accused me of "Dumping Her" omg give me strength.
My wiki friends from this dark hole I can only thank you.
jimmy V
Comments (11)
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Canuck425
said:
| January 21, 2012 | ||
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Wow. Similar threads to my experience for sure but with your own twists. While my wife was hot and heavy with her lover she freaked out when I took off my wedding ring. Apparently that was giving up on the marriage! I hear you, it's all your fault, blah, blah, blah. I got the you only thought of me as a possession line too. Do they have a script they read from ?! I know I did my best and actually I think we had a pretty good marriage. It was not good enough for her so she ditched me. Oh well, consider myself dumped. I'll get over it, eventually, and be fine. You will too. Take care |
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ascotiel
said:
| January 21, 2012 | ||
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Its the usual old story they want to be in control and they think everyone should be happy for them and go along with them in their "affair fog" and fantasy lala land. I'm not sure why she thinks you shouldn't divorce her and why she thinks you might reconcile because from what you are saying and your behviour towards one another it doesnt sound too likely - even disrespecting you enough to turn up on your birthday uninvited - that's not thinking of you and your wishes is it. I have come to the conclusion that every single one of these spouse of either sex who have affairs are sick in the head. Every single one of them behave irrationally, try to blame the spouse left behind trying to hold everything together, try to smash up (metaphorically) everything left physically of the marriage . its very sad, childish, bitter, spiteful behaviour.  |
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pixy
said:
| January 21, 2012 | ||
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Funny, mine said that I'd dumped him and that it was my decision to end the marriage too. Apparently it was totally unreasonable to tell him it was ow or me. Presumably it does their egos good to think people are fighting to get them back. I on the other hand thought he should be fighting to get me back ... | |
Stingrayj
said:
| January 21, 2012 | ||
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They all seem to want to re-write history Jimmy. It's all so very sad. You go ahead with the divorce whether she likes it or not. Whatever you do, don't waste any time trying to do it through Spanish courts. I know I wasted 18 months and a hell of a lot of money only for them to turn around and tell me to use the UK system under the domicile rule. Good luck! |
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chokoy
said:
| January 21, 2012 | ||
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i had the same situation where my wife blamed all to me and said that the marriage will never work with me anymore. well, she found a man with kids and she said it is true love. as painfull as it is listening to her, i had to keep myself cool. my focus now is to go on with my life...  |
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scaryclairie
said:
| January 22, 2012 | ||
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I just couldn't bare for you to be in a dark hole. The only light I can offer is that wiki friends offer understanding, solace and friendship. Happy Birthday - such as it was. Tomorrow, as they say is another day. Don't expect to understand ex. Work on looking after you. None of it comes easily or quickly. Take care. | |
Mitchum
said:
| January 22, 2012 | ||
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The good thing is you're not on your own in the black hole! There are friends here who empathise with the feeling that everything you knew and trusted is sliding away from you and you can't stop it. You will get out of that hole and you will begin to heal. Sometimes you just have to let the hurt wash over you. Imagine it going down the drain and let it go. Can't begin to explain the logic of what she said about divorce being too final - and I'm a woman! Seriously, it does point to what your sister said about keeping her options open. You have to decide how far she has to go away before there's no way back. Keep strong. It's hell I know, but it has to be lived through to get to a better place. |
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jimmyv
said:
| January 22, 2012 | ||
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thx feeling really low and confused at the moment but alot of whst you all say make's sense, its just that its very hard down here to see sometimes but reading commente from people who i dont know but seem to care is heartwarming thankyou all again Jimmy v |
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scaryclairie
said:
| January 22, 2012 | ||
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Honestly - I get the feeling low - I think many of us do, I listened to the REM song - Everybody hurts (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W7g5YKEEPoI ) over and over and over again, That's it - sometimes it is about holding on until you can see tiny tiny chinks of light in the dark - and you start to find direction. I used to be sure people around me, or on wiki, would have 'the answer' to stop the pain, and of course they don't - but they are quietly beside you unitl you are able to stand on your own two feet again. When you are in trouble always reduce life to 10 minutes - ask yourself - what do I have to do to survive the next 10 minutes. Take care. |
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jjones123
said:
| January 22, 2012 | ||
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What is it with this incoherent raging ex-partners and the lightning rod issue of money?? I too was presented with an argument akin to 'you don't earn enough'. It is BS of the highest order. Even if you did earn 'enough' (whatever that is), they still wouldn't be happy and moan about something else. If you spend too much, they'll say that you should save. If you save, they'll witter on saying that you should spend... But I can see that you see that the stuff you're being presented with is patent nonsense. | |
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