Why do I bother?

I always say never try to teach a pig to sing - it wastes your time and annoys the pig. Why try to get something to change when you know it wont? Why bother?

I am asking myself why I bother.

The last blog he threatened, then he texted to say that I was never supposed to contact him again as I was causing him harassment, alarm, or distress, then **poof** like a Genie, he realised 2 days later he needed me to be up to help him corral our chickens and he phones me, all nice, saying how sorry he was that he wasnt civil.

Why did I bother taking his call, I knew it was only cos he needed something.

Then I made the mistake today of asking if he was going to Canada for NYE, as we had made an agreement that if he left, I would take care of our dogs, when I went home - as I had planned to, in early 2012 - he would look after them saving me about £500 in kennel fees. He threatened to not tell me whether he went or not (I would "ruin" his holiday and the chance he has to be with her, she makes him happy and I am a jealous bitch that can naver be happy), I flat out said that I would be looking after the dogs, so would he be around to look after them for me?

No, his holiday ends on 08/01, he will be back to work then & cant take any more days off, but I could get a dog sitter or a kennel.

I knew he would be selfish, why did I bother to ask?

Our dog just had a stroke - he is recovered, but he came over and watched him without asking. I asked him why he can be so nice, why can't he be nice to me all the time, be civil, work as 2 people on the same goal? This ended up as a 2 hour tirade of him saying exactly WHY we are so different, the OW and me. Even though he both got to know us on the phone, were both from North America, I paid for him to come to LA, she's paying for him to visit her in Canada, we met & 3 mos later were married, they met & are talking about living together 4 mos later, he said that it was different this time.

I knew he would make excuses, why do I bother?

I asked him, in a moment of weakness, whether he couldnt be nice to me, just as a last action, just RESPECT me a bit for what I gave up, for the battle, for the stress, for the last memory of the marriage?

Nope, I shouldnt have bothered. Another assault on me, I was just as bad as he was. He does not need to have respect for me cos I never had it for him. Even though I stayed after cheating, going against everything in my being, while he admitted he would have left, it doesnt matter. I didnt have respect for him. And even though he has his Mum calling the OW's parents to tell them how amazing he is, like manna from heaven they found each other, & he has not told them that he is a cheater, did drugs, took money & made my life hell, they DO NOT need to know. It would stress them. He tells me that he has 400 text messages from me, if I step out of line, he will use them. He will "bury me".

Why do I bother? I keep thinking that maybe on xmas he will get a change of heart, he will call and just say  - you know what, were getting divorced, I have found someone and you alre alone, but I wanted you to know that Ill try and be civil, have a nice xmas and I will be over to help you with the dogs soon so you can have some time to yourself.

It wont happen, Ill be alone, on  wiki chat all day, he will be bad mouthing me to his Mum & the OW, opening presents for 3 or 4 hours, even the presents which would have gone to me, calling her to tell her how THEIR love is true, laughing, saying how bad I was & how he cant wait until I am out of his lfe.

I dont want him back but I wish the pig would be different, just for once. Why do I bother to try to teach the pig when the pig just gets annoyed?