Jessie’s Diet ‘This week I have mostly been……………

........writing emails that are devoid of emotion and are functional.

This is a skill I've learnt that I figured I'd share. So you get an email that has a bomb-shell in it, like ‘I'm taking the kids out of school to go to X's' or ‘I didn't tell our daughter I had a boyfriend I said I'd been out to dinner with someone'.

These are usually reactionary and if unreasonable if any normal person was being objective.

It's the stuff ‘they' think is OK to drop on your because ‘they' are self centred and really only care about themselves. Six months ago that would have led me to leave a ranting phone message and/or email which would have been held up by ‘them' as evidence of your controlling and demanding behaviour.

So here is the new plan. Respond by email so you can keep a copy of them message. Put all the swearing and emotive stuff in, really go to town get it out of your system.

Save it then go for a walk, have a fag or a coffee. Come back and take most of the swearing out. Swearing works to reinforce a point but if you mail looks like someone suffering from tourretts on speed you've lost already.

Then save it. Leave it another hour and then come back to it. Take out the emotive stuff, the stuff that starts ‘but when we were together' and ‘but I love you'. Its over they know it and probably quite like the idea that somewhere in the world they have this power over someone. They are not worthy of being loved or looked upon in a positive light because of the harm they have done to you. You are better than that and we know this because your reading this :- )

Save it again. The next thing you offer them is a gift. So if they've taken the kids out of school tell them ‘If you take the girls out of school without my permission I'll find out what the process is to make a complaint and will follow through on that action. That's a promise. In the meantime I'll mail the school and tell them that they will need to contact me if you make a request to take the children out of school, if it been agreed previously with me it won't be a problem. I'll do this in the New Year so if you haven't got permission this time it won't be an issue'

You get the drift. You can change school for money, personal affects, expensive collection of toilet seats or the animal zoo you've established at the bottom of the garden.

That's the gift bit, it's an out for them without compromising your determination. If they play the ‘I told you about this' card then tell them you'll apologise if you get sight of that email but reinforce that if they deviate from an agreed process you will take the appropriate action.

I hope that not condescending and it's a bit of an art, very hard to do in the early stages when you think there is a possibility of reconciliation but there aren't that many stories of that on this site. And why would you after what they've done to you?