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Dec 04
2011
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Parenting skillsPosted by Tomoz in my day today, her new man, children |
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I was having a good day today with my two youngest 13 and 15 who live with their mother since I moved out due to her affair, went to my parents for dinner. talking to my 15 year old asked what she did last night only to be told that she stayed in on her own and had a curry.
Thought she was going out with her mum, turns out mum and new boyfriend went to party at sports club and left her at home alone till 12. It was ok though because the new boyfriend kept texting to see if she was alright up to the point when he let her know they were getting a taxi back. One of the texts even said "Are u ok sweetheart" perhaps thats his way of being friendly but he's only been on scene for 3 months how can he really know her.
Is it me, am I being paranoid or is that pretty shitty parenting, I know the law doesn't stipulate ages when leaving kids at home but what happens if she hurts herself if they need a taxi to get home.
I get so annoyed about these situations and this isn't the first, I am helpless to change the situation, if I tried for custody the court would side with the mother yet she thinks she can do what she wants and the kids should just toe the line. I know she loves them both but surely she can't be thinking straight.
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Hoping for better
said:
| December 04, 2011 | ||
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I don't think it is necessarily the age of the child, I think it is their level of maturity. My kids are 20 months apart in age, but it is 5 years in maturity levels. So, I can't really say whether she should have been left on her own. I don't know how near them you are - but if you are near enough could you say to your ex that should that situation happen again you would be willing to take your daughter out for the evening rather than leave her on her own? If necessary you could promise to return by midnight and stay with her until they got home. Be aware though that your daughter may have enjoyed the responsibility and you don't want to treat on her toes. |
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caz1912
said:
| December 04, 2011 | ||
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My daughter, now 20, loved being "in control" when we left them (I have a younger son, now 17) to go about 200 yards up the road for a night out. But then again, that was probaly one of the last night outs we had! It gave her a sense of responsibilty and being trusted. Last year she moved out to her own place, only lasted a month. But it still stood her in good stead (It was a ropom in a shared house and I cried all the way home as hubby wouldn't help move her, and I hated leaving her there). But this isn't supposed to be about me.............. So, deep breath, ask how she felt about it? What was good? What was bad? Would she like to be in that situation again? 15 is only a wisper away from being an adult and at 15 that's what I wanted, to be looked upon and addressed as though I was an adult - What about you? |
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Tomoz
said:
| December 05, 2011 | ||
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Thanks for the comments. Its made me think perhaps I'm not so annoyed about them leaving her as she is sensible, maybe its more the green eyed monster saying why is my ex out having a good time, moving on with her life, when mines still on hold! |
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Patrick1968
said:
| December 05, 2011 | ||
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Its shi88y parenting, but what did you expect? As a father if my daughters mothers new bloke started sending text ending in 'sweetheart' I'd have words, they would be - 'your not her father so take a back seat' and if he's only been aroud 3 months its bordering on creepy. If anyone should be sending texts to check it should be the mother not her latest bf. Yes she's getting on with her life but she started doing that ages ago, yes its the green-eyed monster but why is that a problem? In your ex's world she's thought through the new bloke as parent material the problem is he's not and you are. I bet she'd go mental if the roles were reversed! Have you met this bloke? Because you need to, your not dead your divorced, you are thier father and there are boundaries. | |
scaryclairie
said:
| December 05, 2011 | ||
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Tomoz - I think you are right - the green eyed monster. It hurts like hell doesn't it? I think you'll just have to be 'cool' (probably an un - cool phrase now!) and 'be there' for your daughter and say 'well done' for being adult and responsible. Caz is right about asking the questions. It hurts like hell and I wish I could help more. But if you keep talking with your daughter (maybe even tell her you know she's old enough but it make you feel slightly uncomfortable but you will deal with it - the texting - if she's ok with it - acknowledge the GEM - she will know you love her and care for her and you are there if she does feel uncomfortable.) As for the pain and hurt - I haven't got a cure for that yet - but I've gone back to Paul McKenna's I can mend your broken heart - and I'm getting more from it now that before, Take care sc |
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Hoping for better
said:
| December 06, 2011 | ||
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I'm not so sure you are jealous of the ex having a good time - I mean, that is probably part of it, but don't you think that a lot of it is because you would love more time with your daughter, and she has so much time that she isn't even using all of it to be with her daughter! There your daughter was on her own, when she could have been with you. That would most definitley rile me. |
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