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Nov 24
2011
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I'm finally here on my holiday visiting my folks and brother. It's damn hot!
Since I have been away I have now had 3 emails from the EW ( Ex Wife as she likes to sign them) . All been designed to upset me whilst away and everyone ending either ' have a great holiday' or 'make sure the girls are your top priority while you are enjoying your luxury holiday' . She is so bitter about me being here it shines through.
Every email is to reduce my contact further with my kids. We haven't reached a financial settlement and I think the pressure is getting to her and so she is using her only weapon - my girls. She says she is not going to court and I can do what I like .
The first mail informs me that I am no longer allowed to collect kids from the house ( or my house as she puts it ) or drop them there. The next was that I am not allowed to walk girls to school or pick them up from now on. I have been doing that for the last 2 years since we split, the girls enjoy it as it gives them a chance to speak to me when otherwise they wouldnt get the opportunity. Her excuse...the girls are tired and their school work is suffering. It's in the girls interest and all she is thinking about is them!
The last received today was informing me that she is now reducing my midweek contact and I'm not allowed the girls overnight during the week. Again in their interest as she went to the school for my eldest review and it was not the best. She tells me that she is trialling it for 3 months to see if their behaviour improves. I can have them for tea but must return them by 18:15.
I fear that we are on the slippery slope to no contact. This is her last weapon , the girls, and she is bound to use it when court looms.
I have copied in my solicitor . Can I ask for an interim order to go back to what we were or will it take too long?
Arrgh feck it all im off to the beach for a swim. Ex's what a pain!
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Mitchum
said:
| November 24, 2011 | ||
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I'm so sorry what turned out to be a treat from your family to spend time with them has turned into a vicious attack. I hope being able to talk things over with your parents and family is helping. I know she's been very aggressive but is it worth a last ditch attempt to discuss working together on the girls' behaviour? She seems to blame it all on you and what they do at your place. Get involved in monitoring what the school says. You should both be involved in making things better, yet in her efforts to punish you she seems to think your input is irrelevant. You can get involved at school level without her permission, just ask to be informed and ask how you can help. The teachers will be glad that you're wanting to help. Keep reassuring the girls that you love them. Enjoy the rest of your stay with the family. Mitchum x |
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hawaythelads
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| November 24, 2011 | ||
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The one thing with a vindictive ex is you know she's still gonna be hanging around like a bad smell when you get home. So enjoy your holiday and deal with all the games after you get home. Just a few pointers AFTER YOU GET HOME. Where does she think is a suitable place to pick them up and drop them off? Is a car park like a couple of bags of groceries less up setting for the kids? Or will she be dropping off and collecting from yours from now on? What are her plans in the kids best interests in full (other than merely being obstructive)? But really I'd be laughing my head off that I'd got under her skin so much by taking a holiday to see the folks. She is absolutely rumplestiltskinning it right now she's so angry and embittered that you've gone to Oz that she'll be jumping up and down so hard she might disappear through the floor  She's been threatening and blackmailing you from day one with the kids and also messing on the finances backing out of mediation etc. It's up to you to decide if she does keep this up to decide if you go to court to get a defined contact order and get the finances sorted. You might well find that she calms down when you get back all sounds kneejerk nastiness at the moment to feck your mood up on holiday. I certainly wouldn't bother thinking about it in Oz. If it continues on your return you'll have to deal with it then properly. I guarantee you the one point of all of them emails is she's sitting there fuming thinking how can I feck his holiday up. I wouldn't even give it the headspace for the next two weeks. Sink a few Fosters for me and put another Prawn on the Barbie and think looney tunes and laugh. All the best Pete |
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pixy
said:
| November 24, 2011 | ||
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I think the only concolsation you can take is that in order to be so vindictive she must be feeling very insecure. Enjoy your holiday, don't let her spoil it. When you get back start going through her reasoning with as the cliche goes, a fine toothcomb. Why is picking up and dropping off at the house a problem; where else would be better and why. Get involved with the school - is schoolwork deteriorating because of you (unlikely) or because of the whole family situation and her bitterness? Is there a serious problem at school or is it just a blip? How far is the walk to school? Is it something a reasonably healthy child should be expected to manage? If so the tiredness (if genuine) must be due to something else - and that something is under her control. There's a whole avalanche of publicity about the health problems caused by children NOT walking to school and being driven everywhere. How does midweek overnight affect their schooling? Do they not go to bed at the same time as they would at mum's? big virtual hugs. |
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Patrick1968
said:
| November 24, 2011 | ||
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This is her last weapon - it is but it has a dull edge. What have you done for her to deem your contact time with kids should be reduced? Nothing. The laws first consideration are your children, not your or her feelings. You have an equal right in bringing your children up. You MUST start fighting back. A mothers love is no stronger or weaker than a mothers, your ex is bitter - TS! Your letting her dictate YOUR involvement with YOUR children, as Pete said let her play her games...slow cooked until you get back BUT you had better get on a war footing otherwise you will get shafted and you and your kids will suffer. Party on ! | |
hawaythelads
said:
| November 25, 2011 | ||
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She's being a spiteful xxxx whos saying because you went away for two weeks I no longer want you round the house to pick the kids up at all. Painted up in the justification of "well you never wanted to see the kids for two weeks when you went to australia" All wrapped up in "The best interests of the kids" total bollox. All the best Pete xx |
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jjones123
said:
| November 25, 2011 | ||
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Just a short comment from JJ... Enjoy your break and your time with your family: you really deserve it. Us fellas are freezing our knackers off in Blighty at the mo! I'm not really able to comment on the contact thing, but I did a bit of 'ex' management for a while (they don't half go off on one, don't they?). I tended to say stuff like, 'thank you for your email, we will be able to discuss this at [particular date and time]' or whatever. Polite and direct communication freaks them out, especially when their messages may have the intention of causing upset. Best, JJ |
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startagain
said:
| November 25, 2011 | ||
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Pretty common me to gets this 2 years on and as JJ puts it my ex to "goes go off on one" on a regular basis. It a case of learning to deal with it - it really is it all designed to hurt, upset and stress you. My ex yells at me every time the kids play up in her time!!!, everything has always and allays will be my fault, cuts me out but says I don't care, I am a bad father, a sad bitter old man, threaten me with everything under the sun and cut access BLAH BLAH BLAH. I goes its a reflection of her state of mind It a harsh place to be, it really is I know. Try and not be phased by her that's what she wants. Don't open any more of her emails do not get sucked in. I have learn a high percentage of the threats they make they do not follow through, in my ex's case she cannot remember most of them. Enjoy your Holiday |
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scaryclairie
said:
| November 26, 2011 | ||
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Hey Popoliv As I am not a man (obviously)and as ex has left I am no longer able to comment on the weather in terms of knackers but it was bloomin' (no reflection on type of undies here) cold yesterday! So please, you needed this break so much and went through such emotional turmoil to get there - don't let ex ruin it for you, which is clearly her intention. Whatever you need to deal with, you will be better able to do so if you are rested and recuperated. Enjoy your time with your family. Put the rest on the back burner. Contact your daughters as much as poss, if poss. the rest is muck rating. (You almost have to admire her - she knows which buttons to press! admire, not like her). Hope you can feel stronger for your break sc |
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Bobbinalong
said:
| December 20, 2011 | ||
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I think my thought actually are, quit checking the emails! if she knows you get the emails she will keep on, so stop the comms until you get home.! |
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