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Apr 04
2008
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On the 1st of February I knew deep down my wife was having an affair but the hope, dream, that I was wrong tore me apart until she confessed on the 7th March.
Since then it's been a rollercoaster of emotion and pain. Sometimes, I've done well other times I haven't. As I write this I'm in one of the bad times.
We are both in our forties. I think when you get over 40 at some point something inside you realizes that in terms of your life there's more behind you than ahead of you. This triggers a mid life crisis, you are as healthy and well as you can ever hope to be and you question your life in all its parts.
Late last year I felt our marriage wasn't in the best shape and arranged for us to go to Relate. The gist of our problem was that since our children had come along our lives were virtually non-existent. Relate helped us see each other's point of view and the wife bought some patches that increase her sex drive. After Christmas things seemed to be going better and we decided to stop going.
I travel away with job regularly and traveled in January. This is when the fate of marriage was sealed. She met someone who made her feel good about herself and started the affair.
My daughter was 16 at thee time and is a typical flirty teenager. My wife seems to have plugged into this and started looking for opportunities to flirt with men. Not only was she having an affair she was also picking men up casually in pubs and on the internet. She says few of these liaisons led to sex but she enjoys the excitement and attention.
I met her original lover shortly after the confession and he decided he did not want to be part of the break up of our 18 year marriage.
The sight of my wife crying over his departure hurt me deeply and killed something inside me. That something is not all the love I feel for her, in truth even now more of that love survives than I can bare. It did though give me the resolve to look at starting divorce proceedings.
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mongmong99
said:
| April 04, 2008 | ||
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Hey there, you're in the right place to share what you're going through. It takes real courage to do what you're doing, but knowing what's going on in your marriage is better than suspicion. It's a terribleu feeling to love someone who doesn't want you any more, and to feel that the centre of your world is being ripped away. Stay strong, stay true to yourself, feel anger and sadness, but don't descend into revenge or hate, and you will get through this. Don't be afraid to ask for support when you need it. Good luck. | |
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Donnylass
said:
| April 04, 2008 | ||
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Hi there, Having lived with the suspicion of my stbxs behaviour for many years and since making the decision to end our marriage of nearly 27 years at the end of Jan, I can honestly say I feel so much lighter in myself. I'm not saying that I am not deeply saddened, and I am grieving for the lovely bloke he could be at times. But, the heavy weight of constant fear and suspicion has been lifted. People are commenting how much younger I look- and I am certainly not looking my best. Apparently now my eyes smile as well as my mouth now!! So, stick at it, there are positives to be found. Good luck  love donnylass |
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mongmong99
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| April 04, 2008 | ||
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Donny, smiling eyes make such a difference  |
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gorgeous
said:
| April 04, 2008 | ||
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Keep on sharing keep on chattin. Did this guy goin give her a wake up call? R u resolved that divorce is goin happen or should u wait for the anger to calm a little? Make sure its what u really want. Hey I'm on ur side I couldnt trust him afterwards. It was obviously just sex 4 him and wen it became serious he couldnt handle or didnt want it. Don't rush into anything u rin control now and u call the shots. Take care x |
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