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Apr 02
2008
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After nearly 17 yrs of marraige my husband announced on the Saturday before Christmas that he did not love me anymore. This was a bolt out of the blue. We agreed to keep together until after Christmas for our two daughters sake aged 14 and 11. What really happened was he went off the rails going out drinking and not coming home sneaking back and lying to the kids. We told them the news the day after boxing day they were devastated.
After I reorganised the finances (paying off some debts with savings) he moved out into a rented flat agreeing to pay maintenance to cover outstanding debts and help with the children. Within two weeks he was dating who I later discovered worked with him and was seen with him at Christmas party being very friendly! Within three weeks of him dating this woman he was persuading the kids to meet her. They were returning home traumatised and crying but no matter what I said to him he continued. They have now met nearly all of this womans family inlcuding her two sons aged 18 and 14. Its like everybody has to fall into his plans!
He manipulates the kids into feeling sorry for him, he uses the eldest's mobile phone which I pay for and asks her to take things from the FMH. When I refused to give him money from the sale of our car because I needed to repair the house he left half finished he stopped paying me maintenance. I have now involved the CSA and he is not happy as he is going to have to pay more than expected. All he talks to our kids about is his new extended family, he has just walked away from what was his family my parents are devastated!
To top it all off he has got his solicitor to send me a letter which says I can divorce him if want to and that he wants the money tied up in FMH. My intention is to ignore this very weak and inaccurate letter and ride it out to see how far he will go. What does anyone think? Do you think this is a good idea?
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Anuska
said:
| April 03, 2008 | ||
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Dixie11 I think he has behaved in a very selfish manner. And how cruel to make such an announcement just before Christmas. He could have waited until after. Christmas must have been awful for you as it's a very special family day. I remember it was awful the last Christmas I had with my x to be. By then he had made it more or less clear it would be the last one. How selfish as well to involve the children with this new woman at such an early stage when they are feeling hurt and vulnerable and to use them as a weapon against you. He appears to have very little insight as to how children can feel when faced with parting parents. You are not alone and many do behave in a despicable way. Mine only thought about himself and is still doing that. I get emotional about the fact that he hasn't only hurt me but my son. With regards to the sols letter I would totally disregard it. He cannot start making claims and a financial disclosure would have to be completed before financial issues can be sorted. He doesn't appear to be the sort of person to be amicable about the financial arrangements and to consider whats best for the children. But I would certainly start seeking legal advise. Best wishes, Anuska |
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alan670
said:
| April 03, 2008 | ||
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Dixie, not sure you can completely ignore the letter. I agree with Anuska, seek advice and act accordingly. It might be worth going via local mediation service to save costs and get an agreement you are both happy with? However, he may be too arrogant/selfish to let this happen. Good luck Alan |
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