Those of you have seen my posts on the site will know that I am a great believer in fairness .. and of getting things sorted without spending a fortune on lawyers. I hope the following story will help you to understand why.

A few facts before we start:

Separated Oct 2004.

Divorce petition Jan 2007

Lodged my Form E with court May 2007

Decree Nisi May 2007.

His Form E end Aug 2007

FDR March 2008

FH Aug 2008.

FMH equity 210k

Endowment 52k (was 43k)

My CETV 86k

His CETV 184k (but pension due Oct 08 – lump sum 92k, pension 9k pa)

Me 47, him 59.

3 kids 18 (just) 16 and 12.

A week or so on from Final

Well, here I am with just 2 days to go before a complete stranger decides what the future will be for me and the children. I feel more scared than I did about getting married. Perhaps I should have been more scared about that - especially as things have turned out 19 years down the line.

I married for ever .. not for this. But the man I married let all of us down again and again. He drank and retreated into his 'illness' to justify taking no responsibility for the children or for his actions - or lack of action.

Now after a sustained campaign of vindictiveness I am to go before a judge who