Why blogging helps

I know a lot of us are new to the whole idea of blogging. It can be quite scary putting your innermost thoughts and feelings where everyone can see them. So I thought, as encouragement to those who haven't tried it, I'd tell you why I blog. (Although I only have a few blog posts on this site, I've been a blogger for years.)

1. The "Pollyanna" blog

I've suffered with manic depression for about 25 years now (bipolar disorder, they call it now). I go through regular bad patches. A few years ago, I discovered something that helps me get through those times. What I started doing was writing a diary. I never used to do that as a kid, I was never the "Dear Diary" type. But this was different. The rule for this diary was that I was only allowed to put good stuff in it, and I had to put something in it every day. (Based on The Glad Game in the book Pollyanna.) This meant that every day I had to find something good that happened to me, no matter how small. All the bad stuff, I just ignored for those 20 minutes when I was writing my diary.

The sort of things that would go in there were tiny things, that normally would be of little or no consequence, but over time, they added up to a very positive outlook on life. Things like:

• I sat in the garden for half an hour with a glass of beer and listened to the birds. It was really pleasant.
  
• I went to my favourite coffee shop and had a cappucino and a caramel slice.
• I went to the corner shop to buy some veggies, and the lady in the shop smiled at me.
• I lay on my floor and listened to Pink Floyd really loudly just like I did when I was a student.
• I got an email from a friend who emigrated ten years ago, and it sounds like he's having a good time.
• I did that report for my CEO in half the time I thought it would take so I spent the rest of the afternoon looking at pictures of vintage aircraft.

Suddenly, you realise that there are all sorts of good things in your life, things that you had stopped noticing. And then life doesn't seem so bleak. You start to see the good things without trying, and the bad things stop dominating your whole day. You don't even have to read your own diary - the act of thinking about what to put in it and writing it down is what matters.

Blogging this sort of stuff helps for two reasons. First of all, other people start to tell you good things about your life. And when you hear it from other people, you start to believe it. And second, it helps other people, and that makes you feel good. When you say, "I had a good day because I made some bread and made some pate, then settled down to watch Murder, She Wrote," then you start to see other people saying, "yeah, I did something similar, and you're right, it did feel good."

2. The "Honesty" blog

On the other hand, there's another way to approach blogging. That's where you use your blog to really look at yourself and your situation. Committing your feelings to a semi-permanent record really asks a lot of you. But doing it anonymously makes it less traumatic. (I will never reveal my real name to anyone on here, and I actually don't want to know anyone else's real name.)

When I write this way, I try to strike a balance between saying what I feel right now, and explaining (mostly to myself) why I feel that way. I question everything I write, and that helps me understand whether what I'm feeling right now is what I really believe deep down, whether it's a natural stage in a process, or whether it's just a gut reaction to something that's happened. These blog entries often get written, rewritten, and rewritten again, as I think hard about what I mean.

Here's an example. I'm angry because she asks me for money, even though we're separated, and does it via a third party, doesn't even speak to me directly. That would be easy enough to blog, just like that. But then I think about it some more.

• It must be hard for her to ask me for anything, and she wouldn't do it unless she were desperate.
• She feels guilty, and can't face approaching me directly.
• Now I'm feeling sympathy for her instead of anger.
• So what does that say about our relationship - I'm clearly still the provider and the person she needs and turns to as a last resort...?
• Am I happy to keep providing money, or should I just say no? How would it affect the kids if I say no? What if she asks again? Do I expect her to pay me back - and what if she doesn't?

I do re-read some of my blog entries in this style. It helps me see how far I've moved on. I don't blog every day this way, just when I feel I need to let some steam out, or when I feel I've reached a milestone.

This style of blogging is great for three reasons. First of all, it acts as a sort of solo therapy. It works a bit like CBT , in that you stop taking yourself and your feelings for granted. Secondly, you get others questioning you as well, and they can tell when you're being 100% honest. (Trust me, unless you're a professional writer, people can tell the difference!) People respect that honesty, and give you support, encouragement and advice. And thirdly, others will tell you about their experiences, and as often as not, you end up thinking, hey, maybe I haven't got it so bad after all.

Thanks for reading

Sorry, that was a long one. But I hope it helps.

Leave me comments - and if you blog too, let me know, and I'll come and read yours.