How my marriage ended

I had been married for 24 years.Been through a lot with hubby,as been together since age 18.Supported him in good times and bad.In 1998 I became seriously ill with a heart condition that almost killed me, and he showed devotion and looked after me for 2 years giving up work to help look after my new born son.I recovered but hadn't returned to work was just working up to trying to get back in employment.We muddled along and he returned to work.Fast forward to this year, when he kept disappearing because he was 'depressed' 'needed time to be on his own as he wasn't sleeping'(he had sleep apnea),he would be fine most of the week but come the Thursday he would be 'off' with me, or start a arguement and then disappear on Fridays turning his phone off.I began to wonder what on earth was going on.. was he seriously depressed and heading for a breakdown, was it some kind of mid life crisis?Then I noticed he had 3 mobile phones, all for 'work' which I thought strange.Then I noticed he didn't leave them lying around, always had them on silent.Even when he was in the bath his phones would come too.Eventually in 2007 he had a circumsism operation.By then we hadn't slept together for almost a year(due to him being too tired, and having errection problems, he even went to the doctors for viagra and we still weren't being intimate),I began to query why he wasn't being intimate, was there a problem, did he still love and want to be with me?Anyway he went and had this operation as a day thing.When he was gone he had left a phone behind.I finally had the chance to look to see what messages were on it.There was one from what I was to find out was his mistress.I confronted him about it and he swore it was over and we tried to make things work between us. He wouldn't talk about what happened or make too much effort with me.We still were no closer intimately.I also discovered he had joined a dating site for single parents(he had signed a direct debit for it to our joint bank account) and also that he had been using a phone flirt site.I phoned his mistress and discovered the affair was still going on and he had been seeing her for 3 years all the while leading a double life.After finding out that bit of information and the fact that he was still wanting to disappear and turn his phone off, I asked him to leave.

So he did and I started divorce proceedings the next day.For adultary.We are now in the stage where the decri nisi has gone through and are trying to sort out the finance part of the divorce.

He is living with his mistress, and her 31 year old son.She has a daughter not much younger than me with a son around the age of my son.he was only 4 years older than me.She must be late 50s or early 60s.

I am glad I found out what he was really like, just don't understand why he never had the guts to tell me how he really felt, and what went wrong for him in our marriage.I feel I was abused as he took away all my self confidence and self esteem, frightened my friends away and abused my trust.After 24 years I thought I knew him so well.Now I know the man I thought I knew no longer exists and there is this stranger there instead.I can't see whatever I ever saw in him.

I will survive.. if you have ever almost died twice you will know that you can live through anything,and there is a light at the end of the tuneel.Thats what keeps me going,but now I am afraid to trust anyone ever again. Never again will I put myself in the position I was in. Life isn't worth it.I deserve better and i will cope without him.Since he left I have had a seisure and my health has declinded.He sees my son quite regulary but is making occasional excuses not to see him(son has special needs),my daughter sees him rarely, he phones her rarely.. it is like I had a life and that has been taken away from me but I know I am doing the right thing in divorcing him. Now all I want to do is sell my house and start afresh somewhere.