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Mar 04
2011
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Today I made a decisionPosted by absolution in moving on, good day |
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Today I gave notice to my landlord that I would move out in a month's time to live with my daughter. I have been hesitating as the house she is in is very small and the second bedroom really a single box room. I worried if I would be encroaching on her space as she has been living there on her own for a few months' now since her dad's move abroad.
At first she has been reluctant for me to move in with her saying that she was loving her independence and this hurt alot. She has only just turned eighteen. I guess there is a selfish part of me that needs to feel needed; that if I am redundant as a wife that I may be of use as a mother still. I just felt I could not take too many losses all at once.
Fortunately the novelty of living on her own and doing all the housework and shopping has worn off and she has now changed her mind. We could look for somewhere bigger but of course this would cost more.
The bottom line is I just want to be with my daughter. I feel that I have already lost out on not seeing her every day since the separation and it would mean a lot to me to spend time with her till she goes to university. She has decided to take a gap year. I know eventually I have to let her go and make her own way but her dad moving abroad has actually made us closer, which I am thankful for. In spite of the fact that he did it for selfish reasons it has made it possible for me to live with her again.
I guess what I am trying to say is that despite the darkest clouds there is also a streak of light peeping through.
Today I also decided to stop feeling sorry for myself. Start Again was right when he said that it was a waste of time and energy to still have feelings for someone who doesn't care two monkeys for you. And Danny also when he said to me once that he refused to be defined by this experience.
When I recovered from cancer twice I refused to be defined as a cancer survivor; I was so much more. In the same way I don't want to just see myself as a rejected middle aged wife.
I was very happy before I met my husband and I shall be happy again.
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hawaythelads
said:
| March 05, 2011 | ||
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Keep on going forward hun. Don't keep looking back that's gone.Live in the present in reality.Don't keep living in that head of yours thinking about the past. You have to stop thinking about it all the time because basically it's happened there's feck all you can do about it and you are mentally like a hamster on a wheel.Keep reliving it and mourning it. Get one thing in your head living with your daughter is temporary, use this as your time to be letting go gradually while you are still with her.So that again you aren't really upset when she does go to uni. All the best Pete xx |
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jjones123
said:
| March 06, 2011 | ||
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Hi Abs, That's the spirit! It sounds like a really positive move. I've been in touch with my mum again after not spending too much time with her for quite a while. I quickly realised how fabulous she was! I hope you settle in to a new way of living... plus, new memories are always good: the create distance from the past. Take care, JJ x |
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