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Feb 26
2011
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FearPosted by absolution in being single, accepting its over |
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Recently I have been asking myself why I am finding it so hard to let go. Everything points to the fact that it is all over and I don't even have to wait for the fat lady to sing! What more proof do I need than for the ex to uproot to an Eastern European country for good and virtually turn his back on his own daughter? It is not just me he is rejecting but his whole former life. Was it that bad?
I've concluded the reason for me is fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of the future but most of all, fear of having nothing. A failed marriage is better than no marriage right? If I let go of it all what will I have left? Apart from my beautiful daughter what do I have now to account for those twenty years when I was in my prime? My love was real but was his only a fantasy on my part? And a pocketful of memories ...
Comments (6)
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Nota
said:
| February 26, 2011 | ||
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(((Absolution))) Like you in some respects I'm finding it hard to let go. But in the grand scheme of things, what are we hanging onto? What was once our husbands has gone...only to be replaced by something, which isn't quite as nice. Now that, I have no problem with letting go of that person. Yes sadly we have a failed marriage. It is how we look at it....you gained a beautiful daughter, the gift of being able to love another, the gift of being yourself - no matter how dire it gets. I know it's easy to say look at the positives, when all around all you see are the negatives. Yet we have to, to be able to progress. I'm sure you'll find your own way out of it, your gutsy lady. Nota xx |
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Mitchum
said:
| February 26, 2011 | ||
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((((Absolution)))) You're right, overcoming fear is a large part of facing a life alone and helping each other to overcome that fear is what this community is good at. We can't let go because life with them was our all for so long and we invested so much into our lives with them. However bad the treatment was at the end, we cling to the years and the memories before they morphed into a stranger. To deny that those years existed and meant so much to us is to trash everything we held dear. That it meant so little to him doesn't seem to have registered quite in my mind. Today I've been realising that he's now had two years of not thinking of me, yet I'm still waking and falling asleep with him in my thoughts. How to stop? Our children are our salvation and it's for their sakes that we have been holding it together. Now perhaps it's time for two steps at a time towards a new freedom from fear and it's for that I'm having a new course of counselling. We've travelled alongside each other for many miles now. Hang on in there, it's a long-haul journey and we're in it for however long it takes. (((((((Nota;Absolution)))))) Mitchum xx |
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julesm
said:
| February 27, 2011 | ||
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Hi I know exactly how you feel. I ask myself those same questions, what am I hanging onto, why can't I let go. Like a lot of others I am finding it hard to cope at the moment, a failed marriage, lack of money, hassle at work, the list seems to be endless but I have to carry on regardless. All I can say is hang in there, stay strong, and we will get through this. Best Wishes Jules |
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startagain
said:
| February 27, 2011 | ||
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I do not think we can second guess what goes through our ex's minds and to be honest it is a waste of time, you are not responsible for his actions, if he has turned his back on his daughter that is his issue, his loss. Why fear having nothing you have your daughter and you have yourself, I realise my ex had no feeling for me for 10 years! (together 20) she was biding her time till a better offer came along. So in many ways I had nothing from her then, so if you don't have anything to begin with you have not lost anything in the end. Having feeling for someone who does not give a monkeys about you really is a waste of energy it just brings you down. A failed marriage in most cases is people were never or became incapable. In time you wont feel he rejected you but did you a favour Take care x |
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jjones123
said:
| February 27, 2011 | ||
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Letting go is something that is tough to do... and my own take on it is that this happens when one has found a new way of living and being. Getting to this point, in my eyes, is very tough: it takes 'baby steps' and tiny changes every day - it's not something that's going to happen over night. JJ x |
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gorgeous
said:
| February 28, 2011 | ||
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Ittakes two for a marriage to end. I look at it as a life experience from which I can learn and build on. The future rests on you and thats scary but exciting embrace the unknown dont reject it xx | |
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