My story

My story sorry its so long it is just nice to write it down

I decided to divorce my husband on dec the 12th 2007 after trying to explain to him how his use of the internet was destroying our relationship. I am not a prude and would have loved a healthy relationship! But the internet was something which I did not want part of but it seemed to take over his whole life. He downloaded porn all the time and excluded me from having a normal relationship with him.... When I opened my heart to him and cried and  tried to explain how it made me feel, degraded, unloved, dead from the neck down, unattractive, worthless,  emotional, he told me tough if I did not like it I knew what I could do! The next morning I went to print something off the computer for work and discoverd that he was downloading more stuff it was like a lightbulb going on in my head the thought "I do not have to live like this any more" The most surprising thing is I have been having investigations for bowel cancer for the last few months all of my symptoms have disapeared over night some that i had lived with for years! I work with children with aniexity yet had not recognised that I was suffering from the same symptoms the knot in my stomach has gone. People have said I look alive and glowing. I have now lost 31 pounds in weight and have gone from a size 18 to 12/14 I feel fantastic and wish that I had left this abusive person years ago! We are still sharing a house and things are difficult especially for our son who feels angry with me for instigating the divorce.

The coments from my friends have been surprising I knew that he was emotionally abusive but I thought that none of my friends knew as I used to just laugh each incdient off and try and cover it up "he's had a bad day at work" by always trying to keep the house perfect as he hated anthing out of place, keeping my son out of his way when he was in a mood, clearing up what he threw, jumping when he shouted and just trying to keep life normal! i realixe now that life was far from normal. My friends saw it all but felt it was not in there place to say anything. The sad thing is over the years I have been to relate 3 times he came once but refused to go again. the last counsellor questioned why was i with this man I didn't go back again I think I have always been scared to be on my own. Most of my family live over 200 miles away and my father lives in spain we spent a week there in October and when I rang him to tell him I cried when he told me he was really pleased and had been shocked how ex2b had behaved towards me and I thought that no one noticed and I covered it up well. Now I realise that being unhappy is no way to live and I need to be a good role model for my son. He has sadly started to behave in similar ways to my soon 2be ex. I wish I had been braver before. hopefully I have broken the cycle.

The latest thing I have discovered is he has taken photo's of a neighbour when she was in the bathroom this is when I was copying the family photo's to my computer at first I thought they were me and I felt violated especially as the date was 2006, I just kept thinking why would he not tell me we needed a blind. I had only openned them to thumb nails. I could not bring myself to speak to him and when I mentioned them He told me I am sick and have not got a sense of humour, and the photo's and porn mean nothing just like listening to music!!!!

He has told me what he wants in the divorce settlement and has stated that I am not allowed to touch his pension and must give him half the money for the house. I have refused to agree to anything without my solicitor. He has refused to get a solicitor. He tries to bully me when it is late at night and wants me to sign to say I agree with his proposition. He says he will not move out untill he gets what he wants.... I am and can cope at the moment and i know that the end is in sight! He has mostly been a good father and I could not take away the relationship my son has with him.

I have contributed to this unhappy relatinship by allowing him to treat me in the ways he has if I could turn the clock back I would have stood up for myself and not accepted the way things were. I have told him to speak to me politely and respectfully or not at all he seems to find this very difficult so I am trying to just walk away and not respond. I know a 100 per cent I am doing the right thing some days I feel very tearful but I know I have changed my script and happiness comes from the inside its not about what you have but who you are and living to the best of your abilities and beliefs I am now being true to myself...... Thanks for listening to my story!