|
Mar 15
2008
|
 |
Well today was the first day that my children have seen their dad in nearly 3 months. I kept my 1 year old at home as she was not very well and 7 hrs away from me would have been too much for everyone.
Ok, so everyone is waiting for the fireworks but thankfully there were none. It all seems to have gone smoothly. I handed them over in Tesco Car Park and collected them at the same place. We even agreed to an extra hour on Friday as there is no school.
Hopefully, come Friday my 1 year old will feel better, but I can't honestly not let her go, just for 3 hours. Sadly, she would not even acknowledge him today when he spoke to her whilst she was sat in her car seat next to me in the car. This relationship is going to be a hard one to build when her dad will effectively only be seeing her for 12 1/2 hrs a month. Some times there is 3 weeks in between contact sessions. This contact arrangement is all his idea, I actually offered a lot more.
Today was a hard day for me, even though I had my 1 year old with me. I have been through so much to get to today that I just felt empty. As many of you know, it has not been plain sailing to get to the point I am today. I have to accept that he is not a great dad and probably never will be; but he is my 5 children's dad and they love him. I need to let him make the mistakes or prove to them he isn't quite the dad they want him to be.
All I have ever wanted to do is to protect my babies, all 5 of them but I have not been taken seriously. I will always have that doubt every time they are with him that they will all come back to me safely; but what else can I do?
Maybe we have both just turned the page in the book of our lives and have accepted things. I do know something changed in me the day we went to court over the children. I will no longer make excuses for their dad. He was not a good man, nor a good father. He abused me even after he left. I have to accept that I suffered abuse at the hands of the man I married and had children with; that is a hard thing to accept but I do think I have come along way in the last 8 months since he left.
I am in a new relationship now, although it is very early days. Those of you that are dear friends of mine on wiki, know what I am talking about so I will leave it there, but I will say this.
You have to accept that any new partner that comes into your life, is not your x partner and that you shouldn't compare them. Sometimes it is hard to see things that your new partner does for what they are and not read into them what is not there. We both come into the relationship with battle scars so to speak, but we have one thing that was seriously lacking in my marriage; we COMMUNICATE.
I want to say that I have found a man who cares about me; worries about me, wants to be with me and accepts me for me. He makes me feel special, something my husband never did. Ok, some sceptics might say I am enjoying the attention, but we are much more than that; so much more.
I am finally looking to the future, a happy future, one which I couldn't see or look forward to for many years. As my marriage comes to an end I am embarking on a new chapter in my life; hopefully an epic chapter and one that is part of a never ending book.
Show/Hide comments
sexysadie
said:
| March 16, 2008 | ||
 |
I'm glad you got through the day and that things are looking up for you. You were quite right to keep your little one at home if she is ill and has seen her father so little. I hope you find Friday easier. Sadie |
|
| Votes: +0 |
report abuse
vote down
vote up
|
mummybear38
said:
| March 17, 2008 | ||
 |
Lets hope the contact arrangements can continue to run smoothly IKN and as mothers we have to accept that we cannot and indeed it is wrong for us to impose our feelings (for the fathers) upon litle shoulders. You are right that the children will make up their own minds in the end. It never ceases to amaze me how clearly children can think for themselves although I appreciate that you do have very young children so it is not so obvious how they really feel. I pray for your children and my own IFN that as they grow into adults they will understand the very difficult decisions we had to make as mothers and will respect that we only ever had their best interests at heart. I haven't always made the right decision IFN and hindsight is a wonderful thing but I have always thought in terms of protecting my children from unnecessary upset and comforting them when matters were so out of my control. Unfortunately as a divorced parent we have to accept that part of our new life means being estranged from the little people we would die for in a second if we really had to. I certainly did not have three children to spend any significant time away from them but slowly and surely I have accepted the pain of being apart from them, the anxiety of never knowing for sure whether my ex will choose to return them to me or not and the incredible proud feeling I have when I look at my children and can see that actually things aren't so bad. You know I wish you well in your new relationship and recommend you hang onto something tightly as it is certainly a roller coaster ride - if and when I get to Heaven I will ask God "why if you wanted us to love each so much did you make men and women so completely and utterly different?" Much love to you, your children and Mr Smile xxx Jeannie xxx |
|
| Votes: +0 |
report abuse
vote down
vote up
|
Show/Hide comment form
