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Sep 30
2010
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I went to court today, some 280 miles from home to allow a judge to examine the proposed consaent order. I then had to sit through 10 minutes of him telling my wife she could and should have a lot more and then gave her a number of options how to get there. He then suggested that maybe he shoudl not sign the consent order to allow her to come back later if she needed more. To my RELIEF she stuck to the agreement we had agreed privately and said that was all she wanted. He reluctantly signed it.
My solicitor also picked up my decree absolute today so I am now officially divorced! Now all I need do is find my next 3 1/2 years net salary to pay the divorce settlement.
I am EMBARRASSED to be divorcing despite it being less socially unacceptable. I had to defend my Ex right to leave to my parents and admit that all could not be right for someone to want to move on.
I feel a FAILURE to have not been able to meet my vows and commitments I made in church before god and our friends. I feel personal failure that on departing she listed all my faults and things that I did to make her unhappy. I have tried to be honourable and have divorced her, paid all the costs and met financial commitments for our son from day 1. I will make sure the gets the money as soon as I can too. But none of this seems to lessen my sense of failure that I could not make it work. I have since I separated supported two people in different ways and they for different reasons told me why I was not good for them which resonated some of the comments from my Ex.
I hope with time I can be more contented and look back on the relationship with a softer view in that we did have some good times and that our son is fantastic and means the world to me. Right now this is a dream rather than reality.
The journey back on the train this evening has been an experience in that I have done lots of thinking and come to the conclusion, I will be fine and life has a future. Now to decide what to do with it.
In closing I would like to thank everyone for their support over the last 2 years since she left. I have made good friendships and drawn strength from the experience of others. Thank you so much!
Take care
J
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startagain
said:
| October 01, 2010 | ||
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Hi Joff Glad the consent order got sorted, mine is taking ages as ex it refusing to give any financial disclosure even a basic one! I just want it over now although a year ago i did not want the divorce, the last year has felt like 10 along it has gone so quickly so much has happened if that make sense? It hard to believe I was with my ex for 20 years she it just a total stranger now. I suppose the relationship was not what I thought it was and I think like many people on here find it hard to believe that our other halves have been so unhappy but have hidden it so well for so long. I did have a lot of shame when the breakup up happened it was hard to tell people and I felt conscious of not having my wedding ring on. Good that it is now over, but with children I suppose it can never be and you just need to learn to deal with the post divorce relationship, I still have my ex texting me 10 times a day telling me what I should or should be doing with and for the kids (her affair improved her texting speed!), I am learning to let this wash over me. Best of luck mate |
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