Reconciled with cheating spouse and HAPPY!!

I no longer come here but I wanted to offer a ray of hope for anyone here who still holds out hope that their marriage does not have to end in divorce.

As many wiki peeps will know my husband left me citing 'he needed space' and then he proceeded to 'pretend to go down the path of reconcilliation' for MONTHS whilst all the time he was 'servicing' another woman!!!

 I waited as I never really had the full story... she called me and threatened to kill me- she was interviewed and that's when she stated he and her were 'an item'.. he then stated they were no more....

I then went throught months of lies and pretention and trickle truths and thinking I was mad when all along he continued to service her!!

When the truth came out at the beginning of the year- after approximately 18 months of him treating me like an utter simpleton- I grew a pair of testicles of my own and divorced him LOL

What a smack up the head with a cement block THAT turned out to be!!!!

After reading my divorce petition he realised exaclty what MY perspective on the marriage and his cheating was and how badly it had affected the kids.

He asked ...begged... pleaded for a second chance....

My provisos were:

No more lies

Get into counselling because; until you can tell me why you thought an affair was a justifiable 'get out' of what you percieved to be an imperfect marriage (and lets face it- they all are) then there will always be a chance of a recurrence.

Find us a marriage guidance counsellor.

Get back with God.

Prove to me EVERY day that I can trust you as I don't put any credence on your words any more.

Tell me EVERYTHING I need to know about the 'old banger' you thought you needed to service.

FIGHT for me as I am doing NOTHING to save this marriage at this moment in time....

.... and he did; he is and he continues to do all of the above... and I can also say that the husband I live with now is far far better than the husband I had before all of this...

I will never thank the other woman for what she did but I will say to her....

... you lost everything! Your dignity, your 'partner' (although he was never yours to have anyway), your sense of who you thought you were in his eyes, your (in your own words) one and only ever true love (how that makes me laugh ...knowing he was hankering after me all the time and you were just what the term implies- a mistress... close enough to the word mattress.. which sums up what he thought of you very well)...

And as for me?

I get the spoils- the prize... the man both of us never had before! THIS man wants to bend over backwards to keep me happy- and he does!

THIS man is attentive, loving, kind, honest, open, generous with his time and his money!

THIS man would lay his life on the line to make sure he does everything in his power to keep me!!

You Mattress/ Mistress told me yourself that you never had him completely- that there were weeks when you couldn't contact him; the fact he never stroked your hair, called you a pet name,  hugged you (out as well as in the boudoir)...

 I am a strong, sexy, desirable woman...

You are just a whore....

HE finally realised that he wanted more than the dregs of a woman, he wanted a real woman....

My advice to anyone here who is facing seperation or divorce where an affair has happened- if you know you will never be able to forgive and if you know your spouse will not do MORE than 100% to win you back then sever all ties, do not contact them directly and get on with your lives...

For those who feel they can forgive but never forget - as you don't want to become the doormat who's spouse goes on to reoffend again and again- and for those who can change themselves too - to ensure you are self reliant and not someone who can be lied to any more- and if you believe your spouse is willing to look (really look) at the inadequate, weak person they truly are and say "yep- I wanna change"... then my advice is to take a step back, start concentrating on yourself and see what happens when you do!!!

Thank you to wiki and all the people I met here along the way- if it weren't for you guys I probably would have a different story to tell...

But I am now away to live happily ever after...

THE END