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Mar 11
2008
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I'm sorry I haven't updated. The day after my last blog, my husband said he wanted to come home. He transferred £300 to my account and asked that I bought new underwear, some DVD's and a meal for our ‘reconciliation.'
Dutifully, I had everything arranged for his return. I waited in beautiful new underwear, a cooked meal with candles, romantic music, and films I knew he'd enjoy. He didn't show up. I sat for three hours before deciding to give up.
The next day he phoned and said he'd come home around 2am, had knocked for ages, and accusingly asked why I hadn't answered the door. I seem to be the only adult who remembers we have a child of school age.
He has since returned with many expectations of how I should act. Apparently I'm not allowed to be bitter in any way, I'm not allowed to ask what the past few weeks have been about, and I have to remain cheerful at all times. If not, he may leave again.
He informed me of a conference in London tonight and said he'd be home later than expected; he'd forgotten his home keys and would be back by 9pm latest. At 9.15pm I had a phone call from him saying he was just leaving and would be back in an hour. It is now 11.30pm, I've spent the day scrubbing the house and preparing it for workmen tomorrow morning, and I'm exhausted. I feel like screaming.
I know there is more to life than this. I am difficult to live with at times, but who isn't? Surely there is a point where I am no longer to blame? I have become a victim and it frightens me. I don't want to be married to a man whom I can't trust to come home.
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Falk
said:
| March 12, 2008 | ||
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Who isnt hard to live with? Thats human nature. God knows what U did but U dont have to be punished like this. He is rubbing yr nose in it and is probably reveling that you are squirming and cleaning. I cant imagine what this is doing to your self worth. Not allowed to ask questions and not to be bitter? What ever next. Stop being a doormat. What the heck did you do wrong? Be moody? Well thats 99% of the female race then. I cant believe that some people can be so cruel. Falk | |
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Fat Boy Getting Slimmer
said:
| March 12, 2008 | ||
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I don't know what the issues are but it is like he wants to come home but can't. Is it guilt? Is it fear? He obviously wants to cross that bridge and can't and it sounds like you want him to cross it too. But because he hasn't crossed it you are blaming yourself which isn't good on you and may make it harder to make the attempt again. Just an idea is to try and meet somewhere away from the home. It sounds like that is putting a lot of pressure onto the return which you are both having problems with. Don't begrudge him the new underwear. That will always come in useful in the future and make you feel good. The meal well yes get pissed off about that. And the waiting. |
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mike62
said:
| March 12, 2008 | ||
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Frankie, Why do think you are not easy to live with? What makes you the bad guy? Why does he want you to look good and not turn up? There is a line of acceptabililty for most people's behaviour. To my mind he has crossed that line - a lot. But that is my opinion. It is only when it becomes your opinion that you will act in your own best interests. Don't be a victim, take control. You're worth it. Mike |
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rosiegirl
said:
| March 12, 2008 | ||
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Frankie, i've been following your story and my heart goes out to you. It sounds like he is a bit of a control freak. I don't know what has gone on between you or why you feel to blame, BUT, the way his is treating you is not ok. It will only knock your confidence and self esteem more and more. Try and be strong, remember that you are a person who deserves to be treated with love and respect too. take care x | |
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Elizabeth
said:
| March 12, 2008 | ||
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Hello Frankie, Stay with this site, you have a lot of support and all the comments made by the people before this are so true. Don't blame yourself - but you do deserve better than this man who is controlling without doubt. There are some lovely men out there who will treat you well and considerately... I saw a saying somewhere :- "When you are walking through hell - walk faster" I like it! Take care, |
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Fazza
said:
| March 13, 2008 | ||
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Hi Frankie, Have been worried about you since I last spoke to you. You deserve so much better than this guy. The best thing you can do is get you and your daughter out of this situation. I know it is hard, I've done it and it was the hardest thing. But now I'm not looking back. You can do it Frankie, be strong Take care mate, Faz |
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townie
said:
| March 19, 2008 | ||
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OOh Frankie Lee..is he really worth all this?Is he really making you happy?Have you had him back for the sake of your daughter?Please don't let this man make you feel like the guilty one?Remember what he has done to you, how he was willing to make you move out and be homeless,and your daughter too? Try and get some strength, you know you have it in you... and kick him out before he makes you more unhappy?I too, did the waiting at home and let him go out, disregard how I was feeling,and treat me like a doormat.I got through it and somehow found the strength to go on, and I am much happier.Lifes short..you deserve so much more((((hugs)))) | |
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Molly
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| May 13, 2008 | ||
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Frankie Lee I agree with others on this site. I have a controlling husband and suddenly after a traumatic event realised I needed to live my life differently and am now well on the way to divorcing him. It was hard we have been together since school days. Be brave there are people out there who will give you the love and respect you so deserve. | |
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